Salt and Pepper

Apparently my husband likes my grey hair.  

The few strands that I discover, and immediately pull out, far too often these days. 

  Today he emailed me these photos.

Two of my beloved children on top of G-Ma and Poppa's house.  

I called him immediately and asked him if he had lost his mind.

He said something about them "retrieving their airplane of the roof" and that "he was right there" and that "there was no way they could have fallen."

I was not amused.

And as a result, I fully expect to see several new grey friends in the morning.

He must really be into the salt and pepper look.

That Look

Watching a little Yo Gabba Gabba! in the afternoon.

Apparently needing to wipe the sweat from his brow from dancing hard along with DJ Lance.

I catch him.

Rapidly pulling out each wipe.

I startle him by saying, "Will Standley, what are you doing? No, No!"

And he gave me that look.  Grinning from ear to ear.  

Let's just say he managed to pull out all those wipes.

With me watching.

And laughing as he giggled over his own mischief.

I'm in serious, serious trouble.

As If

As if I need something else to prevent me from taking a decent picture of my boys.

Somebody's been watching a little too much Popeye.

Again

My baby is sick.

Again.

Three nights of little sleep.

Two doctor's visits.

My suspicions confirmed.

Sinus infection. 

And...

Double ear infection.

With tubes, no less.

Ten days of antibiotics.  

Ear drops to help the tubes drain.

Cream for the yeast infection that is certain to appear.

It happens anytime he's on an antibiotic.

Probiotics to put in his formula to help with diarrhea.

I am so sick of him being sick.

I need him to be well.

I'd gladly take his double ear infection.

And his sinus infection.

Anything to see him feel good again.

New carpet was installed in the den today.

And the entire contents of that over sized room fill my kitchen and living room.

It is an unorganized mess.

I don't function well when my house is a disaster.

Normally, I'd stay up all night trying to put things where they belong.

But not tonight.

My baby is sick.

And he needs me near him.

Cuddling him and rubbing his head.

And that's exactly what I'll be doing.

And that's exactly what I'll be doing.

Little Jody

The other day the boys and I rode down to the barn, Sam and Jack on their riding toys, Will and I on the gator.  And the strangest thing happened.  Somewhere along the ride, my middle child became a man. It was evident immediately after he jumped off his ride.  He and Sam both ran to find a shovel and began shoveling feed that had spilled out under the gate.  At that moment, Jack became the head rancher of Five J's Cattle Company.  And as he worked, he educated me on everything I needed to know about cows and gates and the rules of the barn.

"Hey, Mama.  You see that big, white bull right there?"

"Yes, I see him."

"You don't trust that bull, Mama.  You don't never trust a bull, okay?"

"Okay, son.  I won't trust that bull or any other bull."

"Mama, you see that cat right there?"

"Yes, I see him."

  "He's okay.  He's missing a leg, but his other three legs work real good."

"I need to rake right here, Mama.  But I have to open this gate first."

"Are you sure you're allowed to open that gate, Jack?"

"Yeah, Mama.  It's okay.  There ain't no animals in there, Mama.  And all you have to do is lift up this thing right here and the gate will open."

"Look at all those cows right there, Mama. I got to go check those cows real quick."

"You do?  Okay, honey.  Go ahead."

"You just wait right there, Mama.  I'll be right back."

After checking all the cows, he ran back over to the barn and began shoveling again.  I was so proud and impressed.  My big, hardworking, little boy.  

I Try

It's hard to be stern with him.

Like when he's banging on my laptop keys as I try to type...

Or playing in the fireplace...

I try.  I say sternly, "Wiiillll! No! No!"  And he gives me this look.

Man, I'm in trouble.

Staring Contest

The Truth About the Horse

It was the Wednesday before Christmas, two days before Christmas eve.  Jody and I were at Wal-Mart, with Will, trying to make a few last minute purchases for Sam and Jack.  It was crowded with others who had waited until the last minute just like us.  We spent nearly an hour waiting in the aisle that housed the bicycles and riding toys, hoping to find a truck for Sam.  Will grew impatient after a half hour and I searched for something to distract him with.  There, pushed next to the bicycles, was a small, black horse.  I pulled it out, hoping it would buy me a little more time.  I sat him on the horse and he looked up to me, unsure of what I was doing.  I began to make the horse rock and squeezed his ear to make him sing.  And my baby's face lit up like I'd never seen before.  He smiled and giggled and began rocking his body back and forth with the motion of the horse.  I picked him up and he whined until I sat him back on the horse.  I squeezed the ear and  again the song made my boy's face light up.  People began stopping in the aisle to watch him on that horse. And they commented on his demeanor and how cute he was and what a happy little boy I have. Again, I took him off the horse, this time after realizing that it sheds.  A lot.  The black hair in the mane was all over his clothes and stuck on his cheeks and neck.  I wiped it off his face and turned to walk away.  And again Will grew restless and began to whine.  And with no sales clerk in site to help us, I plopped him back on the little horse. Again I played the song.  The very corny, very annoying song..."I'm a little pony.  Clippety-clop. Clippety-clop.  Such a pretty pony.  Clippety-clop. Clippety-clop."  And again he became the happiest baby on the planet.  And again people stopped to watch him.  And now people were stopping to tell me that they "sure hoped that horse was going home with us" and "you know you have to buy that for him, don't you?"  And soon I found myself putting that horse into our cart.  The horse with the annoying song and mane that sheds.  A gift I had no intention of buying.  I dreaded picking that black hair off his clothes and I knew that song would play over and over again in my head.  But on Christmas morning and every day since then, he has ridden that horse.  And every time he sits on it, he again becomes the happiest baby on the planet.  Which, in turn, makes me the happiest Mama on the planet.  Even with it's shedding mane and ridiculous song.  Note to self:  Never take Will with me to a car dealership. 

Sam

Every night he rushes up to me, arms stretched out, needing one more hug.  Every single night.  It is one of the highlights of my day, a constant in an unpredictable, chaotic life.  I hope he knows what it means to me.

And he says things to me that make my heart swell...

"Mama, when I grow up, I want to marry you.  And when I marry you, will you never, ever break up with me?"

As he wrapped his arms around my neck for a hug, he told me, "Mama, I want to hug you so, so tight.  I want to make my arms like a belt around you."

I told him that I love everything about him.  And he told me the same.  "What?" I asked.  "What do you love?"  "You, Mama.  Just you.  I just love you Mama."

Tonight, I scooped him up in my arms and his toes touched the floor.  I begged him to stop growing.  And to stop having birthdays.  He laughed and ran away to play.  Every day, I tell him how happy he makes me.  And he smiles and says, "How happy?"  "You make me the happiest Mama in the whole wide world."  I hope he'll always know that.  And just in case he might forget, I'll continue to tell him.  Every single day.

1453

Sweet Moments

Caught in the act.  My oldest "reading" his bible to his younger brother.  Telling him all about "Adam and Eve" and "the snake" and "Noah building a big, big boat."  And his younger brother listened intently, not making a sound.  And I stood quietly in the kitchen, taking it all in.  Sweet, sweet moments.

Hello, Nappy!

Every night after his bath, I gently brush the hair back over his ears parting it to the right, making perfect little swirls in the back.  And I stare at his perfect little head and wonder if he'll be the one who I can let have longer hair, with soft curls that hang over his ears and thick, wavy bangs that always fall into place.  I imagine those sweet curls peeking out from underneath his first birthday hat as he blows out his candle.   I imagine less haircuts and no mornings standing over the sink to wet his messy, tangled hair like I do with his brothers.  I smile as I sweep his hair over one last time as he falls asleep.  And then... morning comes.

And my dreams are dashed by a baby with a very serious case of bed head.  And suddenly I am holding him over the sink, combing through a nappy mess, trying desperately to find the hair I put him to bed with.  Note to self: pick up a squirt bottle at Target and find out if it is safe to use hair products on a baby.

Domesticated

My boys.  All three of them.  Hanging out in the kitchen.

One of their very favorite things to do now.  Cooking.

Making new, exciting food combinations.  Like bananas, hamburger patties and cheese.

Seeing how much food they can balance in their mouth.

Little men making themselves at home in the kitchen.  What great husbands they will make.

Relieved It's Over

After consulting with Dr. Mann at the beginning of the week and discovering that Will's ears were not improving, we decided to go ahead with tube surgery.  This ear infection began on December 22 and after two different antibiotics and a Rocephin shot, his ears were still full of fluid.  The fluid was actually thick and Dr. Mann described it as "glue ears" because it had the consistency of Elmer's glue.  We were thankful to be put in on the emergency schedule for Saturday.   Will woke up as I was getting dressed at 4:30 and stayed awake until it was time to take him for the procedure.  He was happy and laughing and all my worries about him being hungry or thirsty were forgotten.  He didn't fuss or cry once and I hated knowing that he had no idea what was about to happen.  He played happily in the waiting room with me and Nana and squealed loudly as he tried to escape down the hall over and over again.

Children under a year aren't given any medication to "relax" before the procedure.  He was such a champ, smiling and flirting with all the nurses and unafraid by his surroundings.  I loved on him, wrapped him in his blanket and handed him to the nurse.  He didn't cry at all, even as he lost sight of me and Nana. 

The procedure only took minutes and he did wonderfully.  I could hear him crying as they took him into recovery and the twenty minutes we waited to see him were agonizing.  By the end, I began to hear a different cry.  That's not him, I thought.  There must be another baby in recovery.  As I walked to recovery, I realized it was Will.  He had cried for so long that he didn't even sound the same.  I was so relieved to take him in my arms and whisper to him that I was there.  He cried until we left and finally fell asleep on the way home.

I struggled to get him to rest after we got home.  He would be very happy one moment and inconsolable the next, a common side effect of the anesthesia.  After three hours, he finally went to sleep and he and I both enjoyed a long nap cuddled up beside each other.  He woke up happy and has been wonderful ever since.  I am so grateful that things went so well and that this is behind us and I hope for many winter days with infection-free ears.

Little Gifts

Early last week, when Will was the only one with a flu diagnosis, Sam and Jack went over to Nana and JP's to play and to allow me to spray every inch of our house with Lysol.  I called to check on them and Mama told me how sweet Jack was being, following her around and wanting to help her with anything he could.  She told me he kept talking about me and asking to bring me stuff from her house. Later that afternoon when the boys returned home, there was my sweet boy, walking up to me carrying a small vase of flowers.  "Here, Mama.  I got these for you."  I marveled over those flowers, scooped him up in my arms and thanked him for being so sweet. He smiled sheepishly and buried his face into my shoulder. We found the perfect spot for my gift on the kitchen table and he proudly placed them in the center and turned to me, offering me the same shy smile.

And then he ran back to the den and brought me another gift.  A peeled tangerine inside a plastic sandwich bag.  Again, I scooped him up in my arms, kissed him and told him that he gave the very best presents.  "You need to eat this, Mama.  This will make you feel good.  It makes you have strong muscles and not be sick."  I thanked him and told him that I would be sure to eat it so that I could have strong muscles just like him.

Those two little gifts brightened my day so much.  And those flowers made me smile every time I looked at them in the coming days.  Days that would be filled with fevers, doctor's visits, sleepless nights and countless doses of medicine.  Days when I ached for things to be normal, desperately needed a shower, and nearly broke down in tears at the sight of my laundry pile.   They reminded me that as bad as it was those few days, I am so immensely blessed to share my life with these boys.  Sick or not. Tired or not.  Overwhelmed or not.  I am honored to be their mom and caring for them when they need me most is a privilege. 

I received a note today from someone I admire that reminded me again...

"I've kept you on my mind and heart as I understand all three little ones have had the flu!  I know you must be exhausted and I pray you and Jody haven't gotten ill too.  I remember those hard, long days when kids are sick and things don't get done around the house, sleep is interrupted (or doesn't come), you can't get a minute alone AND you're stuck inside, unshowered, for days on end. Persevere girl!  You'll NEVER be sorry that you gave it all you had!  And it really does go by so quickly."

May I never forget that.

Still Trying

After the fiasco of trying to get a good Christmas card picture and failing miserably, I took a break from begging my boys for a picture.  I let a few weeks pass before daring to ask them to sit still, get close to one another and smile for their loving mother.  Surely, I thought, after a few weeks with no picture request, my boys would smile sweetly at me when I asked for a quick picture and lovingly say, "Sure, Mama.  Anything for you.  You do everything for us, so we would be so delighted to sit here for a quick second and let you take a picture of us.  Just tell us where to sit and when to smile."  

And so I asked.

And they didn't object.  Wow, I thought, this may actually be the day.

I instructed them to get close, look at my lens and smile.

The result...two goofballs and a baby who may have an issue with his personal space being invaded.  I give up.

Ten Months

Will,

Today you are ten months old.  I find it hard to say that.  Ten months old.  Time continues to pass too quickly and you continue to learn new things and gain more independence nearly daily now.  You are 23 pounds now and wearing all 12-18 month clothes.  Your legs are chunky and sweet and I love squeezing them, causing you to squeal and giggle uncontrollably. Your hair is still dark and has suddenly become wavy in the back.  I think you may have the best hair of all my boys and I love brushing it after your bath and watching the curls appear.  The curls soon disappear and sweet little waves take their place.  Your eyelashes seem to have grown and inch this week and are now long just like your brothers.  Your lashes are different, though, in that they sweep upwards in a precious curl.  They are beautiful and I wonder if your eyes will be your best feature.  Your smile is beautiful and warm and people stop me all the time to comment on your happy smile and pleasant demeanor.  You have five teeth now, three on top, two on the bottom and I can't tell where the next one will be. You look so much like Sam did as a baby and I find myself seeing him in you all the time.  You are still only really saying, "da da" on a regular basis,  but have begun to say "Ay!" (hey) and throw your hand out in a wave.  I still coach you to say "mama" and you giggle at me and refuse to try.  You love to grunt at me and can be quite spastic at times, waving your arms up and down and grunting loudly.  I laugh at you and then you begin to laugh and wave your arms faster and grunt louder.  You are standing alone and can hold your balance for a long time.  You cruise around the furniture and down the kitchen cabinets, but when I encourage you to walk to me, you stand very still, flash me that precious smile and plop down on your bottom. You are eating table food but still prefer bananas, cereal and oatmeal.  You love spaghetti, lasagna and pancakes.  Nearly every time I try to feed you, you wrinkle up your nose and rub your hand all over your face.  I have to try and try before you'll quit making the silly face and just try what I'm offering you.  You pull your socks and shoes off as soon as I buckle you in your car seat and refuse to leave a hat on your head.  You are into everything and love rummaging through cabinets and emptying drawers.  I forget all the messes you make when I scoop you up into my arms and you wrap your chubby arms around my neck and kiss my face.  You give the sloppiest kisses and leaves my cheeks wet with drool.  Those kisses are one of my favorite things and my heart swells every time you bless me with one.  I tell you "thank you" and you stop, smile and begin kissing me again.  There are few things in life as sweet as those moments.    Thank you for those kisses and for the smiles that wash over your face every time you see me.  Your laughter and sweet spirit make me happier than you'll ever know and I love you more every day. Thank you for being so wonderful.  I am in awe of you and feel immensely blessed to share my days with you.  I love you, sweet boy.  More than you'll ever know.

Mama

Improvise

What's one to do when he's really hungry and is just too tired to hold his bottle? And Mama is busy?  And your biggest brother is entranced in a movie?  You improvise.  Prop that bottle up in the corner of the couch and get your belly full.  My little genius.

The Lowdown

It's been a long, tough week around here.  Forgive me if I whine.  I am sleep deprived.

Will...

Will is still battling some flu symptoms and taking Tamiflu.  He is also still on antibiotics for his ear infections.  The ENT wanted to schedule surgery for Thursday, but I am delaying it.  I am not comfortable with him having surgery right now and I don't think the tubes are dire at the moment.  We see Dr. Mann again on Monday for a recheck of his ears and I plan to discuss with him what is best for my little sweetie.  He is sleeping a little better at night but not sleeping much at all during the day.  I'm not sure if it's the medication or just not feeling well, but sleep is a battle right now.  He is also actively teething which makes things even more difficult.  He also has the worst diaper rash I've seen on any of my boys.  It completely covers his bottom and is in the creases of his chunky, little legs.  I am happy to see him laughing and playing again and can't wait until he is off all the meds and completely back to normal.

Jack...

Jack developed a terrible cough a few days ago.  Thursday night his coughing was so bad, he was losing his breath and throwing up.  After trying to help him for three hours, we headed to the emergency room.  G-Ma picked us up and minutes into the drive, the coughing stopped and he finally slept.  I chose to return home, thinking the medication was finally working.  He slept soundly for an hour or two and by 3:00 am was coughing terribly again.  We made it through the night and I carried him to the doctor yesterday morning.  The diagnosis...the flu.  He is now on Tamiflu and is doing much better.  He is still coughing and very, very whiny.  He is so sleep deprived and exhausted, and his little body needs a break.  On a side note, Jack is now terrified of cotton swabs.  The swab up the nose turned him into a crazy person.  It was a lovely experience.

Sam...

The doctor prescribed Sam preventative Tamiflu in hopes he wouldn't get sick.  Unfortunately, the pharmacy only had enough liquid for Jack's prescription so Sam had to get capsules.  We have to break them open and pour the contents onto a spoonful of chocolate syrup.  The pharmacist swore it was the best way and that he'd never even taste it.  Well, we discovered that Sam has outstanding taste buds.  He sniffed out that tiny bit of medicine like a blood hound.  I now believe that his cold symptoms and fever were signs that he had the flu also.  Fortunately, he has a great immune system and he has fought it off and shown very few indications that he was battling the flu.

And as for me...here's where the whining begins.  After calling every doctor I've ever been to (including my OB GYN), I was able to get a preventative prescription for Jody and me.  I have spent hours and hours at doctor's offices this week and have spent over $150.00 in insurance co pays and prescriptions.  To put things into perspective, our co pay is only $10.00.  There's nothing like having the receptionist at the pediatrician's office tell you that they've only had three cases of the flu thus far and you know two of those cases are your children.  I have slept 12 hours...this week.  I could measure out medicine in my sleep.  Lysol is my best friend.  I've used so much that the Lysol folks should send me a thank you note.  Seeing my children well again can't come soon enough.  My sanity is depending on it.