Rainy Days

What's the best way to spend a cold, very rainy Saturday?  Curled up with my two little buddies in bed watching a movie...without a doubt.  Jody went for a wine tour and tasting at Duplin County Winery for Brad's birthday and I stayed home with my sweeties.  I am not a wine drinker so I opted to sit this one out and hang out at home.  We curled up under the covers with our milk cup, bottle and coke and watched Robin Hood and all fell asleep.  Ah, the good life...

A Crappy Morning

Jack had his appointment today at the allergy doctor.  We had to be in Raleigh by 9:15 which is an undertaking for us.  Getting two boys up, dressed and fed by 8:45 is no less than a small miracle.  Jack is usually up by 7:30 every morning.  Today he wasn't.  I laid in bed waiting to hear that sweet little whine telling me "I'm up...the party can start!"  And when I didn't, I got a little disgusted thinking that of all the mornings that my early bird chooses to sleep in, we have to get up and out the door this morning.

But I let him sleep.  I got up, checked my email, browsed a few blogs...still silence.  So at 8:20 I cracked the door open and peeked in his room.  There he sat, back to me, talking and seeming very cheerful.  I was a little puzzled as to why he hadn't called for me the minute his eyes cracked open like he usually does.  Had he actually found a way to pass the time and play in his crib for a few extra minutes hoping to give his much deserving Mama a few extra winks of sleep?  He had reached a new level on the sweetness meter if he was going to stay in his crib until after 8:00 for me, his Mama that could lay in bed until noon.

Well...I should have known better.  This is what my Jack was passing the time doing...what kept him quiet and very, very busy for those extra moments this morning.

Yes, he pooped and for some unknown reason decided today would be a good day to see what happens if you stick your hand in your dirty diaper and use your crap for fingerpaint.  It was on every stuffed animal, both blankets, a pillow, the bumper and the dust ruffle.  He had "it" between his fingers, under his fingernails and large amounts between his toes and under his big toenail.  I saw none on his face (thank the Lord) so thankfully he refrained from smearing it there.  Disgusting is an understatement.  Straight to the tub he went...clothes and all.  And to think, I was so prepared to sing his praises for getting on Sam and Mama's "sleep late train". Now I know that if he hasn't graced me with a scream by 7:45, I best get my you know what out of bed and check on him.  He is likely up to no good....or up to his elbows in *$#%!

Freedom

Why is it after lunch and my boys are still wearing pajama tops that are covered in Cheetos and jumping wildly on the couches in our living room?  And why are they pretending to be wild, ferocious animals as they wrestle around the cushions that are piled high on the floor?  

Because they can!  It's Wednesday...we have no plans...nowhere to be.  Forget the Momagenda...somedays are meant to be spent in your pajamas using the couch as a trampoline.

Sad

That's how I felt today.  Sad.  The boys and I wandered over to Mema and Papa's house to clean out all the old, dirty toys that were there from when Sam stayed with them.  Sam and his Papa had their own special little pad in the garage. We put our old patio furniture in there and filled it with toys and books.  Months have passed since Sam stayed with his great grandparents but things were just like he had left them...nothing had been touched.  Books were still opened on the table, farm animals were lined up in a row and balls were placed in empty five gallon buckets.  Nothing had changed, yet so much has changed...

For the first two years of Sam's life he spent every moment that he was away from me with his beloved Mema, Papa and Keen-Keen.  After Jack was born, he was still made to feel like the center of the universe the moment he walked in their door.  They sustained me when I didn't know how on earth I could handle two babies.  They were my saving grace. Sam had toys in their house, on their porch, in Papa's Place where they make cakes and littered up and down their driveway.  I never imagined that in such a short time I would be cleaning up these toys.  Change...what is different? Well, a lot.  Soon after Jack arrived and we settled into a routine, Sam became a little more attached to his Mama and really longed to be home all day.  Mema and Keen Keen are busy, busy cooking for all the locals four days a week. Papa is slowing down and having  a little harder time getting around these days.  He had knee surgery last month and certainly isn't up to chasing my two wild ones through the pasture hunting for golfballs.  With these two active boys, the days pass in the blink of an eye and I suddenly realize three or four days have gone by without us seeing our dear buddies next door. Things just change...when we aren't looking.

So today as I hauled away toy tool sets and farm animals and balls that no longer bounced, I became very sad to realize that those precious days have passed all too soon.  I am sad that time ticks away and while Sam grows taller and smarter and grows more active every day, time also ticks away for those we love who are older.  And while my days become easier the older my boys get, their days must get a little tougher the older they get.  I am sad that I may never see Sam holding his Papa's hand again as they walk to check the mail.  I am sad that I won't walk up on a hot July afternoon to see him splashing Mema and Keen Keen as he plays in his small, plastic pool.  I am terribly sad that Jack won't have all the wonderful moments with these wonderful people that his older brother did.  I am mad at myself that I didn't take more pictures or shoot more video.  And while they are still healthy and happy and full of life, things are just a little different.  I am busy, as are they.  My boys interest changes week to week and we are always on the go.  Every day is new and exciting...and different.

So as I hauled the last toy away, I felt an immense sadness at what had changed...in the blink of an eye.  I count my blessings and am so very thankful to live beside these amazing people who love me and my boys so very much.  I am thankful for their wisdom and their friendship and for all the days we have shared since my little ones arrived.  And I am hopeful that there will still be days when we can sit out on their porch and watch the boys splash in a pool or chase bubbles or walk to the cucumber patch.  I can't imagine not having these days and I must make sure that my boys still do.  I even left a few things in that special garage...a wagon, basketball goal, bat and ball and tractor.  If you leave a few things behind, you have to go back, right?  Sam and Jack and I are counting on it.

My two boys helping me clean up their special place...

Loving Robin

He lives just two houses down from us.  He was the best man at our wedding.  He is the sweetest, most giving person I know.  I often joke that Jody could learn a thing or two about how to be sweet from him.  He is "that person" you could call anytime for anything, knowing full well he will drop everything and come help you.  No matter what. He is definitely his mother's son...he is so much like Marie in his manner and temperament.  He is thoughtful and kind and my two boys adore him.   They love going to his house to play with him and Meme.  They spoil them with love and affection and a little bit of candy too.  He lets them be little boys...messy and rough, clumsy and loud.  He tumbles, rolls and wrestles with them and lets them crawl all over him. Two little wild boys flipping and jumping on his back, his head and his legs. And he lets them.  And he does this with such patience and love.  He is their great uncle and they sure do think he's great.  He is Robin and Sam and Jack think he is wonderful. And so do I.

Copy Cat

Guess who wants to be just like his big brother and pee pee outside?  You guessed it!  Jack Johnson Standley.  Every time Sam runs out to pee off the porch, Jack is right behind him in a full sprint to make it outside too.  And he has to pull his diaper off and poke his little you know what through the rails just like his brother.  

He concentrates really, really hard with his chin tucked to his chest and belly sticking out as far as he can.  I think he thinks this makes his "little man" stick out further and helps with the whole process.  He definitely puts his game face on and tries to be just like his big brother.
So in and out we go...over and over again.  And it's freezing cold and they are naked and I am pulling them back inside as fast as I can.  And if the in and out and diapers on and off isn't enough, somebody has to wear "big boy" underwear too.  Yep, little Jack.  He fussed and whined and pointed at Sam's undies until I gave in and put a pair on him too.  As if I potty training Sam wasn't enough work, now I have to chase my 16 month old in and out, putting diapers back on and then putting a pair of underwear on top.  But boy was he proud!  Proud and adorable. 

There has never been a cuter set of legs in a pair of underwear, I am convinced.  I'm looking for an agent to get him started in underwear modeling.  Calvin Klein here we come!

Strong

This afternoon Sam insisted that I stay in the kitchen so he could "clean up" the den for me.  So I did.  I unloaded the dishwasher and stayed away from the entrance to the den.  He made no noise, so I was pretty sure he was just throwing a few toys in the box and putting the pillows back on the couch.  Wrong.  I literally only allowed him five minutes to do what he needed to do.  And this is what I found.

My little one managed to move some pretty heavy furniture around as he cleaned up for his Mama.  I have no idea how he managed to move the chair from one side of the room to the other and leave it up on two legs leaning on the other chair.  Those chairs are heavy but he obviously had no trouble pushing them where he felt they needed to go.  He also turned over both horses which are also pretty heavy.  I shouldn't be too surprised.  When Sam was barely two, he saw one of his little toys under our couch and he had to get it out.  He squatted with perfect weightlifting form, lifted the couch and kicked his toy out from underneath it.  My mouth dropped to the floor.  I couldn't wait to show Jody what he could do.  So for days we watched in amazement as Sam lifted the couch over an over again.  I guess he has the genetics to be pretty strong.  His daddy, uncle Joseph and Papa are all known for being able to lift pretty much anything. So he lucked out and got some pretty tough genetics.  And I got my own little moving man.

Here Goes Nothing

We have officially started potty training at the Standley household.  My intentions were to wait until Sam's third birthday, but he has given us all the hints that now is the time.  He announces when he needs to pee and in the last few days screams and cries as soon as he wets his diaper.  He insists that we change him immediately.  So yesterday we headed to Target to pick out some "big boy" underwear...we left with some cute camos, Madagascar and Spider man briefs.  I gave Sam the big potty training pep talk and let him know that since he could tell me when he needed pee and he no longer liked wearing a diaper that the diapers were going bye-bye.  This made me more than a little sad.  How is it already time to potty train my baby?  It seems like just yesterday I was trying to figure out how to point his newborn you know what so that it didn't spray pee out the side and soak his little gown.  I changed many soaked gowns and onesies before I figured out the art of positioning.  

I must admit that I'm a little hesitant about this end to diaper wearing.  Don't get me wrong I know less diapers that have to be bought at Target means more fun money for Target, but I keep thinking and worrying about this whole potty situation.   Like...what do you do when you're on the belt line and your kid announces he has to go right then...and what do you do when they need to do the big stuff (if you know what I mean) and the bathroom is nasty...and what on earth do you do to entertain your 16 month old while you are helping your "big boy" use the public restroom?  I have a scary visual that keeps popping in my head...me, Sam and Jack at a restroom...Sam needs to go BAD and as I am trying to line the seat with toilet tissue to avoid the shear nastiness, I look up to find Jack climbing into a urinal...head first.  So let's just say as tired as I am of changing stinky diapers, I am NOT looking forward to all potty training has to offer.

Okay, enough of my rambling about my issues.  This morning Sam proudly put on a pair of camo undies and potty training officially began.  I told Sam how we would reward him for doing a great job.  Stickers for every trip to the potty and when he does the "big stuff" in the potty, we would head to Build-A-Bear for him to create his own special bear.  We created a sticker chart that has a few more stickers than bathroom trips...Sam got a little sticker happy when I wasn't looking.  We had a few breakdowns when his ding dong would begin to come out of the little hole in front.  He would go nuts (no pun intended).  I didn't even know they had a hole in front so imagine my panic when Sam yelled at the lunch table "Mommy, Mommy my ding dong is falling out."  Seriously, does a three year old need the pee hole?  We are just trying to pee in the potty without spraying the walls and the shower curtain...the pee hole is a little out of our league.  He peed five times today with no accidents.  He even did a small, and I mean small, # 2 in the potty.  We called everyone we knew bragging about this minuscule little turd (way too tiny for a trip to the mall)... MeMa, GMa, Daddy, Cade, Cannon, Ally & Nana.  After dinner we knew a "big one" needed to happen and we sat for a while in the bathroom awaiting its arrival. Nothing.  He was totally freaked out by the idea of "pushing his do do out."  I think it worried him so bad that he actually had his first accident of the day...he peed on the floor and he was so ashamed and disappointed.  A little love and reassurance and he was begging for a dry pair of undies to "try again."  We decided to call it a day and put on his night time diaper and pjs.  Within two minutes he had done his "big business" in his diaper.  As I cleaned him, I reminded him that I was cleaning his trip to Build-A Bear off his heine.  He didn't seem to care.  Tomorrow is a new day and a new pair of undies...

Sam's sticker chart...with four stickers too many.

Proud...

So big...

Personality in Pictures

They say a picture is worth a thousand words and I agree.  Especially when a picture can accurately sum up one's personality...all without one utter of a word.  My Jack...in pictures.

Attempting to ride one of Sam's toy tractors.  Believe it or not, he really thinks he's taking it for a spin.

Standing in the dishwasher and attempting to match the lids to the cups...my busy, busy little helper.

After removing his diaper, he uses the bed of the dump truck for his toilet.  Way to improvise, buddy.

Trying his best to destroy Mommy's computer.  He pulls up a chair and is on the counter in three seconds flat.

My little helper hard at work again...doing a little laundry in the toilet.

My monkey trying to get a ball out of the toy bench outside.  And then this happens...almost every time. He usually gets stuck like this and screams for help to get up.  

Busy, busy, busy...a 26 pound demolition man...my destructive, overactive little sweetness.  I sure do love him.

Let's Race

Cade has his big fifth birthday party yesterday.  It was a "race party" in the gym at the high school (one of the perks when your Nana works at the school).  Lots of Cade's friends and family came and the kids loved being able to roam the gym, run, dance, throw balls and be as wild as they wanted to be.  The kids ate hot dogs served from the concession stand and enjoyed cake and cotton candy and popcorn.  Cade said it was the best birthday party ever.  Next up...Cannon and Sam...our March babies.

Someone didn't want participate in the races (which stressed his Mama out)...

but he did try to master the hoola hoop.

Others were a little more social.

We ate cake...

swiped icing when no one was looking...

and ate our weight in sweets.  What a fun time!

My Valentines

My sweethearts.  My boys.  My babies.  My "sleep in the middle."  My sticky fingers.  My best hugs.  My big brown eyes. My chubby little legs.  My little hands.  My early riser.  My sleeping late. My "I love you too."  My purpose.  My soft brown hair.  My warm and cuddly.  My hope.  My "one more story."  My every day.  My "more milk please."  My blowing kisses. My cookie with sprinkles.  My memories. My run and run. My "push me higher."  My laughter.  My sunshine.  My Joy. My dirty shirts and muddy shoes.  My surprises.  My unconditional love.  My biggest worry.  My up all night.  My "rock me." My giggles.  My tears. My make a mess.  My fun times.  My splashes in the tub.  My I hope I never forget.  My refuse to take a nap.   My smiles.  My "play with me."  My job.  My blessings.  My future.  My dreams.  My silly dances. My excitement.  My hold me tight.  My heart.  My greatest gift.  My life forever changed.  My loves.  My sons.  My Sam. My Jack.  My Valentines.

Days Like This

My day...

I finally gave up my four day search for my lost car keys (my only set).  My keys disappeared on Monday and after cleaning out every drawer, closet and toy bin, I still had no keys.  I am convinced my sweet little Jack flushed them down the toilet.  So $275 later ($200 for a new key and $75 to have the car towed to the dealership so the key could be "married to the car"), I have wheels again.  Finally, the car is towed...time to get ready for our day.  Jack must have been missing the doctor's office (we haven't been in three days) so he decided to open the doors to the fireplace and put his middle finger on the pilot light.  Lovely.  Charred, burnt little fingertip and fingernail.  We held it under cold water and put lots of ointment on it.  He was surprisingly tough and cried very little.  We avoided the doctor's office...whew. Meme drove us to pick up our car and we stopped for lunch at our favorite spot...Chick-Fil-A.  The restaurant was pretty crowded and we were nestled over in a booth near the play area.  I asked Sam to say the blessing.  He immediately bowed his head...paused...raised his head back up and announced in a very loud voice,"Hey, I'm not looking at my ding-dong.  I'm just praying."  Perfect.  Thankfully I think I am the only one who understood his full sentence.  And I must admit I had a hard time not cracking up.  These two never cease to amaze me and they sure do keep me smiling...and laughing.  What did I do before them?

Tonight the boys had fun with a few simple things...a cheap old balloon and bath water.  Forget the expensive toys.  It's the cheapies that make them the happiest.

The balloon was a hit...

Sam loved it.

Jack enjoyed it too...

No clothes required...unless you count the white socks.

Who knew a trickle of water was so much fun?

The simple things...

Pure Jack...Mr Mischief.

My Sam...loving those lashes.

A Letter to Cade

Cade-

You are five years old today.  Five.  I can barely believe it.  Five years ago, I held the tiniest, most beautiful little boy in my arms for the first time.  Do you know how much I adored you from the moment I saw you?  All of us were waiting by the nursery to hear some news of your arrival when out came a nurse pushing a new little bundle.  She asked, "Who are you all looking for?"  "Lee," someone said.  She fumbled for a card and said, "Oh, I think this is him."  We all gasped. There you were.  Brand new and so precious.  

You were the most beautiful baby I had ever seen.  I couldn't get enough of you. I drove to Raleigh every day after work to hold you.  Every single day.  Jody and I got engaged nine days after you were born and no amount of wedding planning could keep me from getting my hands on you every day.  You were a little bundle of promise and perfection and my time with you each day was pure joy.  I remember when you were just a couple of months old I had to go out of town for work.  I would miss seeing you for one day.  I cannot tell you how much this bothered me. I just knew I wouldn't survive if I didn't see your sweet face.  I made it...but it sure was hard on Lala.

You took your first steps when I was on my honeymoon...another heart breaker for me.  I called from Mexico and heard the news, "Cade is walking."  Gulp.  I couldn't bear being away from you for seven whole days and now when I came home you would be walking.  No more holding you for hours on end.  But in that same conversation I learned that you would be moving to Clayton, minutes from me.  While Raleigh was only a short drive, the idea of you being so close to me made my heart flutter with excitement.  You left and followed your Daddy as he played baseball...all the way to Japan.  Another tough time for Lala.  I missed you like crazy and couldn't wait to see you.  Quite simply, you were everything to me.  I loved you more than I ever imagined I could.

When I found out I was pregnant with Sam, as happy and thrilled as I was, I worried endlessly about you.  Do you know I wondered and worried if I could love Sam, my own precious baby, as much as I loved you?  Mothers who heard me fret over this laughed at me and said I would and I couldn't understand until my own little one arrived.  But I worried a lot.  Endless worry over your precious little heart and wondering if it you would understand all the changes that were about to occur.  We both know that I fell head over heels in love with Sam and that God took care of all that worry and doubt. Cannon was here and I loved him to pieces too and eighteen days later Sam arrived.  Three wonderful boys to love...man I was lucky.

Now there are five of you.  Five in five years.  You went from the one and only to one of five.  In such a short time.  I know this must have been hard for you, buddy.  So now my worry isn't if I can love this one the same as that one, or that one as much as this one, my worries now are over my time with you.  Time that seems to be lost.  I am sad to know those many precious moments we shared aren't quite that easy to achieve these days.  Life is busy and you are big now with your own ideas and interests.  I am sad that I will never have all those wonderful moments with Cannon and Landry...those perfect times that you and I knew.  But look at all of our blessings.  You have a brother and a sister who adore you and two cousins that think you hung the moon.  So I have to worry less about the time we don't have and cherish the moments we do. 

I cherish our talks even though they are full of interruptions.  I cherish your humor and how you make me smile.  I cherish your eagerness to learn and hope I can be someone that teaches you things you didn't know.  I cherish your free spirit and hope you will always have that spark that makes you, you. I cherish your heart and pray this world never hardens it.  I cherish your smile and how your happiness brings others happiness.  I cherish your hugs even though I don't get them as much as I used to.  I cherish your love for being at my house and hope you always know you are welcome here...no matter what.  I cherish you.  The little brown eyed boy who stole my heart five years ago.  I always tell you "You were my first baby."  And I mean it.  You taught me about a love I hadn't known and you prepared me for motherhood.  For that, I will always be grateful.

Cade, you mean the world to me.  Never forget that.  You will go so far in life...of this I am sure.  You are smart and handsome, kind and considerate, passionate and imaginative.  God has blessed you with endless talent and opportunity.  You have amazing parents who love you beyond words and will spend their entire life making sure you are given every chance to become what God created you to be.  You have grandparents and great grandparents that can share their wisdom and that special kind of love that only grandchildren get.  You have aunts and uncles and cousins who are here to love you and encourage you every single day of your life.  I know you will continually amaze us and make us proud.  But please always remember, no matter how tall you grow or how many candles are on your cake, you can always count on me.  If you move far away or make a few mistakes, remember, I will always be here for you.  You will forever be welcome at my door and I will forever treat you as if you were my own.  I love you Cade Hardee Lee more than you'll ever know.

Sick...

...again.  Jack woke up at 5:00 this morning with a horrible, persistant cough.  Yesterday a little snotty nose and this morning a full blown cold.  A really, really bad cold.  By 9:00 he was wheezing terribly.  This is a new one for me...Cade and Cannon get sick and wheeze pretty often so I called Ally immediately.  She told me what to watch with his breathing while I waited for his doctor's appointment.  Sam spent the afternoon with her which made me and him very happy.  I worry so much that he has been a little left behind through the last few weeks with Jack being sick so much.  Knowing he is enjoying himself, having fun at the park and not being forced to sit at the doctor's office brings me more peace than you can imagine.  Jack's breathing became very labored right as we were going in for our appointment. Bronchiolitis. A nasty, nasty virus. We held him down for a breathing treatment and he improved quickly.  The nurse gave me the gear to give treatments at home and we were off.  He slept on the way home and woke up wheezing again. Jody took care of him while I ran to get his medication and pick up Sam.  He needed a breathing treatment as soon as I got home with the medication.  He screamed the entire time, but again he felt better pretty quickly.  We will do treatments as needed and he is also taken an oral steroid.  We have a busy weekend coming up with parties for Cade's birthday so I hope he will be well soon.  This little boy sure deserves a fun-filled weekend with no sickness.  It's what I'm hoping for...

Away From Home

The boys and I left home before 11:00 this morning in an attempt to stay away from sick, sick Daddy.  Jody has been sick all weekend with a virus that caused him to run a high fever and develop sores in his mouth.  He has felt really bad...really, really, bad if you ask him.  He has been in bed for three days, unable to do anything but operate the remote and knock on the wall when he needed something from me.  There is a reason God chose women to give birth, I'll leave it at that.  So we ate at Chick-Fil-A, ran by the mall and went to the park.  Bec joined us on our escape from home.  We stayed outside at home until dark...trying our best to avoid the germs.  We all really want (and need) Daddy to get better soon.  Here are a few pics from our afternoon at the park...

Jack, sporting a nice rash...we have an appointment at an allergy doctor Wednesday.

A little too dangerous for Mama...

So happy...

Climbing the ladder...

Sam standing upright...he fell down at least 50 times this afternoon...not sure why?!?

Brothers having fun in the tunnel...

Sweet Sam who insisted today was his birthday...he now says he is 26.

Getting ready for a big slide...