A Letter to Cade

Cade-

You are five years old today.  Five.  I can barely believe it.  Five years ago, I held the tiniest, most beautiful little boy in my arms for the first time.  Do you know how much I adored you from the moment I saw you?  All of us were waiting by the nursery to hear some news of your arrival when out came a nurse pushing a new little bundle.  She asked, "Who are you all looking for?"  "Lee," someone said.  She fumbled for a card and said, "Oh, I think this is him."  We all gasped. There you were.  Brand new and so precious.  

You were the most beautiful baby I had ever seen.  I couldn't get enough of you. I drove to Raleigh every day after work to hold you.  Every single day.  Jody and I got engaged nine days after you were born and no amount of wedding planning could keep me from getting my hands on you every day.  You were a little bundle of promise and perfection and my time with you each day was pure joy.  I remember when you were just a couple of months old I had to go out of town for work.  I would miss seeing you for one day.  I cannot tell you how much this bothered me. I just knew I wouldn't survive if I didn't see your sweet face.  I made it...but it sure was hard on Lala.

You took your first steps when I was on my honeymoon...another heart breaker for me.  I called from Mexico and heard the news, "Cade is walking."  Gulp.  I couldn't bear being away from you for seven whole days and now when I came home you would be walking.  No more holding you for hours on end.  But in that same conversation I learned that you would be moving to Clayton, minutes from me.  While Raleigh was only a short drive, the idea of you being so close to me made my heart flutter with excitement.  You left and followed your Daddy as he played baseball...all the way to Japan.  Another tough time for Lala.  I missed you like crazy and couldn't wait to see you.  Quite simply, you were everything to me.  I loved you more than I ever imagined I could.

When I found out I was pregnant with Sam, as happy and thrilled as I was, I worried endlessly about you.  Do you know I wondered and worried if I could love Sam, my own precious baby, as much as I loved you?  Mothers who heard me fret over this laughed at me and said I would and I couldn't understand until my own little one arrived.  But I worried a lot.  Endless worry over your precious little heart and wondering if it you would understand all the changes that were about to occur.  We both know that I fell head over heels in love with Sam and that God took care of all that worry and doubt. Cannon was here and I loved him to pieces too and eighteen days later Sam arrived.  Three wonderful boys to love...man I was lucky.

Now there are five of you.  Five in five years.  You went from the one and only to one of five.  In such a short time.  I know this must have been hard for you, buddy.  So now my worry isn't if I can love this one the same as that one, or that one as much as this one, my worries now are over my time with you.  Time that seems to be lost.  I am sad to know those many precious moments we shared aren't quite that easy to achieve these days.  Life is busy and you are big now with your own ideas and interests.  I am sad that I will never have all those wonderful moments with Cannon and Landry...those perfect times that you and I knew.  But look at all of our blessings.  You have a brother and a sister who adore you and two cousins that think you hung the moon.  So I have to worry less about the time we don't have and cherish the moments we do. 

I cherish our talks even though they are full of interruptions.  I cherish your humor and how you make me smile.  I cherish your eagerness to learn and hope I can be someone that teaches you things you didn't know.  I cherish your free spirit and hope you will always have that spark that makes you, you. I cherish your heart and pray this world never hardens it.  I cherish your smile and how your happiness brings others happiness.  I cherish your hugs even though I don't get them as much as I used to.  I cherish your love for being at my house and hope you always know you are welcome here...no matter what.  I cherish you.  The little brown eyed boy who stole my heart five years ago.  I always tell you "You were my first baby."  And I mean it.  You taught me about a love I hadn't known and you prepared me for motherhood.  For that, I will always be grateful.

Cade, you mean the world to me.  Never forget that.  You will go so far in life...of this I am sure.  You are smart and handsome, kind and considerate, passionate and imaginative.  God has blessed you with endless talent and opportunity.  You have amazing parents who love you beyond words and will spend their entire life making sure you are given every chance to become what God created you to be.  You have grandparents and great grandparents that can share their wisdom and that special kind of love that only grandchildren get.  You have aunts and uncles and cousins who are here to love you and encourage you every single day of your life.  I know you will continually amaze us and make us proud.  But please always remember, no matter how tall you grow or how many candles are on your cake, you can always count on me.  If you move far away or make a few mistakes, remember, I will always be here for you.  You will forever be welcome at my door and I will forever treat you as if you were my own.  I love you Cade Hardee Lee more than you'll ever know.