Sad

That's how I felt today.  Sad.  The boys and I wandered over to Mema and Papa's house to clean out all the old, dirty toys that were there from when Sam stayed with them.  Sam and his Papa had their own special little pad in the garage. We put our old patio furniture in there and filled it with toys and books.  Months have passed since Sam stayed with his great grandparents but things were just like he had left them...nothing had been touched.  Books were still opened on the table, farm animals were lined up in a row and balls were placed in empty five gallon buckets.  Nothing had changed, yet so much has changed...

For the first two years of Sam's life he spent every moment that he was away from me with his beloved Mema, Papa and Keen-Keen.  After Jack was born, he was still made to feel like the center of the universe the moment he walked in their door.  They sustained me when I didn't know how on earth I could handle two babies.  They were my saving grace. Sam had toys in their house, on their porch, in Papa's Place where they make cakes and littered up and down their driveway.  I never imagined that in such a short time I would be cleaning up these toys.  Change...what is different? Well, a lot.  Soon after Jack arrived and we settled into a routine, Sam became a little more attached to his Mama and really longed to be home all day.  Mema and Keen Keen are busy, busy cooking for all the locals four days a week. Papa is slowing down and having  a little harder time getting around these days.  He had knee surgery last month and certainly isn't up to chasing my two wild ones through the pasture hunting for golfballs.  With these two active boys, the days pass in the blink of an eye and I suddenly realize three or four days have gone by without us seeing our dear buddies next door. Things just change...when we aren't looking.

So today as I hauled away toy tool sets and farm animals and balls that no longer bounced, I became very sad to realize that those precious days have passed all too soon.  I am sad that time ticks away and while Sam grows taller and smarter and grows more active every day, time also ticks away for those we love who are older.  And while my days become easier the older my boys get, their days must get a little tougher the older they get.  I am sad that I may never see Sam holding his Papa's hand again as they walk to check the mail.  I am sad that I won't walk up on a hot July afternoon to see him splashing Mema and Keen Keen as he plays in his small, plastic pool.  I am terribly sad that Jack won't have all the wonderful moments with these wonderful people that his older brother did.  I am mad at myself that I didn't take more pictures or shoot more video.  And while they are still healthy and happy and full of life, things are just a little different.  I am busy, as are they.  My boys interest changes week to week and we are always on the go.  Every day is new and exciting...and different.

So as I hauled the last toy away, I felt an immense sadness at what had changed...in the blink of an eye.  I count my blessings and am so very thankful to live beside these amazing people who love me and my boys so very much.  I am thankful for their wisdom and their friendship and for all the days we have shared since my little ones arrived.  And I am hopeful that there will still be days when we can sit out on their porch and watch the boys splash in a pool or chase bubbles or walk to the cucumber patch.  I can't imagine not having these days and I must make sure that my boys still do.  I even left a few things in that special garage...a wagon, basketball goal, bat and ball and tractor.  If you leave a few things behind, you have to go back, right?  Sam and Jack and I are counting on it.

My two boys helping me clean up their special place...