While You Sleep...

While you sleep, I find myself awake,

often watching you as I rub your soft hair and kiss your sweet cheeks.

You wander off into dreams,

and I dream about what you may be thinking of.

I often find my love for you to be the most overwhelming at these moments,

moments when you don't even know I am there.

I worry endlessly about you and lift you up in prayer,

knowing that your heavenly father loves you even more than I do.

I relive our day, hoping I showed you that you are my everything,

and making promises to show you even more tomorrow.

I cover you gently, careful not to wake you, 

but intent on making sure you are warm.

I stare at your faces, little faces I find so breathtaking,

and am filled with amazement that I had some part in creating you.

And while you sleep, deep in dreams of all things wonderful,

I fall in love with you all over again.

The Bear

Everyone knows Sam loves bears.  All bears...grizzly, black, koala, polar.  He doesn't discriminate.  He has a ridiculous amount of stuffed bears and plastic bear figurines.  But one bear stands out among the rest. His favorite bear.  A small, plastic grizzly bear that came from Target.  He refers to it as "my favorite bear" and takes it everywhere he goes.  The bear is literally in his hand 75 % of the time and when he isn't, he's asking, "Mommy, where's my favorite bear?  I need him."  I have spent countless hours searching for him when he goes missing and have turned around more times than I care to admit to retrieve him from the house when we forget him.  Sam panics when he can't find him and has learned to do almost anything with that little bear clutched tightly in his hand.  He gets dressed holding him, pees with him (I know, really sanitary) and even eats with him secure in his fist.  The bear gets a nightly bath with Sam and is beginning to lose his color from being scrubbed so much.  I even have to smell, yes smell, the plastic bear after baths to make sure he smells wonderful.  The bear accompanies us to the park, the pool, on errands and even when we're just hanging out in the yard.  Safely tucked in his hand, where Sam goes, he goes.  I guess it's his "lovey."  And like any smart Mom, I should find a few replacement "lovies," you know, just in case.  So I'm adding that to my "to do" list...buy more bears and nearly scrub their color off to match the real one.  I'm putting it at the top of my list.

"Look at My Muscles, Mommy!"

Because you're never too young to pump a little iron, right?  Or use your Daddy's weight equipment as a jungle gym...

Signs

How cute are these signs that Allyson made for our backyard?  The "Standley Park" sign looks perfect by the rock wall and the others line the top of the swing. I love them and expect the boys (and their buddies) to follow the "park rules."  You know, when they can read and all.

That Town

"Mama, I need to go to that town."

"What town, buddy?"

"Con-neck-tick-it."

"Connecticut?"

"Yes.  I need to go there right now."

"Oh, Sam.  That is a long way from our house."

"As far as Africa?"

"No, not as far as Africa, but a really long ways.  It would take us from the time you woke up in the morning until you went to bed at night to get there, a whole day of driving."

"But I really, really need to go there bad, Mama."

"Why?"

"Because I just miss them so much and I just need to see them for a minute."

Should Have Taken Zoology

Sam is an animal fanatic.  We have quickly moved on from a basic love of farm animals to a fascination with all animals.  He loves safari animals and still has an affection for all bears.  And so we talk about animals a lot around here.  A whole lot.  And usually I understand what he's talking about....Africa, grasslands, jungles, river dolphins, snakes, etc.  But we have had one constant breakdown in communication. For several months now, Sam has asked me to tell him about "karates."  "Karates, honey? I don't know what those are."  "Karates, Mommy. Yes, you do.  Tell me."  This happened nearly every day.  He would ask me to speak about this unknown animal that he referred to as a "karate," and yes he pronounced it just like the martial art.  He would become very frustrated with me and would often leave in a huff, showing little tolerance for his animal-science ignorant Mama.

Well, imagine my shock and amazement when while researching zoos in the south, I came across this...

This, people, is a coati.  Apparently a relative of the raccoon, they mainly live in Central and South America, and Mexico, but have actually been seen in Arizona and Texas.  I screamed at the top of my lungs, like someone discovering her winning lottery ticket not some funky animal, for Sam to come see my computer.  He ran to my side and very casually said, "Yeah, Mommy.  That is a coati."  Duh, Mama.  And I now recognize this little creature from the beginning of the Diego cartoons (I should have turned to good ol' Diego sooner).  Lessons learned.  I should have taken a zoology course.  And I should use google a little more often...although my search for this rodent would have more likely revealed kung-fu when I entered "karate."  And I shouldn't avoid the Jack Hanna segments on Good Morning America.  Oh, I have so much to learn to keep up with these boys.

Almost Famous

Look who made the local news...Cannon and Sam, living it up and catching up on all the local news while we were on vacation a few weeks ago.  Sam was quite amazed to see himself in the paper and proudly says, "I'm famous!"  Mama mailed a copy for superstar Cannon to see in Connecticut.  He will surely be pumped.  Not pictured: Cade Lee, who found this oh, so ridiculous and such a waste of time.  I'm sure he'll be kicking himself when Cannon and Sam get asked for their autographs at the pool and the park.  You know, since he's the only one who can actually write his name and all.  

Lucky

That's me.  I'm the luckiest girl in the world.  I am constantly given flowers picked especially for me by my oldest.  It is usually dandelions, but some days I am blessed with another wildflower that my sweetie has found.  And sometimes he even puts them in a "vase" and delivers them to me after being down at the barn with his Daddy and his Poppa.  I don't know that I've ever seen a more beautiful arrangement.  I hope you never stop bringing me such beautiful treasures, Sam.  I adore them, but not nearly as much as I adore you, sweet boy.

Heartbroken

That's how my two boys are feeling tonight...heartbroken.  Their very best buddies, their cousins, left tonight to visit their daddy.  Sam is so upset and worried about them leaving.  I told him they would be home in a few weeks, but that didn't help.  I have the feeling it's going to be a long few weeks around our house.

Landry and Jack, normally enemies, put their differences aside and gave each other a little love before saying goodbye.

Sam refused to let Nana pull off with his buddies.  He climbed in the car and after dragging him out, he stood watch at the door.

Jack hated to see them go too.  They kept telling each other "I'll miss you" and "I'll call you."

When the car was out of sight, Sam fell all to pieces.  He sobbed, tears streaming down his face.

I sure hope my boys won't be this sad the entire time their buddies are gone.  I don't know if their heart, or mine, can take it.

The Best Day

My Boys,

Oh, how I enjoyed our day, today.  Watching you ride your bikes, scale ladders, guzzle juice boxes, slide fast, swing high and climb trees brought me more joy than it did you, I think.  Seeing your smiles and hearing your laughter as you run and play, fills my heart with such contentment.  You continue to show me that all I need to be happy is simply to see your smiling faces.  You make the simplest things extraordinary and I treasure every second with you both.  I had the best day with you, today.

All my love,

Mommy 

Bad Idea

Tonight I thought it would be a great idea to take the four boys to see Ice Age.  Turns out, it wasn't a great idea.  Here's the condensed run down...

Jack and I picked up Cade, Cannon and Sam from Ally's house.  Rebecca came as my back up in case one of us had to leave with a child.  We loaded up the boys.  Landry was jealous.  I told her she could go too. Buckled between Sam and Jack, she grinned the entire ride to the theater.  Unloaded all five kids.  Bec took four inside while Jack and I bought tickets.  $36.00.  Boys made their candy choice.  Gave the usher our tickets, grabbed five booster seats and headed to the theater.  Got everyone placed and I headed back to get snacks.  Three nerds on a rope, one box of skittles, five red icees, one popcorn, one coke.  I gathered napkins and straws and turned to see five monstrous icees.  Like a 72 ounce slurpee at the 7-11. "Those are smalls?"  "Yes, mam."  Holy cow.  We could have all shared one and had some left over. "$47.00, mam."  Silence.  What did he say?  Surely he did not say $47.  I look at the register and indeed, he did.  Wow.  I pay and load two trays with my over priced snacks.  Takes two trips to get the snacks to our seats.  Pass out the snacks and tell Bec we could have taken them for steak and it would have been cheaper.  Movie starts.  Snacking starts.  Jack began the "dat, dat?"  (what's that?) game this week and thought this would be a great opportunity to play.  He says "dat, dat?" one hundred times in three minutes and I reply, one hundred times, "an elephant, sweetie, now hush."  Seven minutes have passed.  Landry is done and starts squealing.  Bec takes her out.  Jack sees them leaving and yells, "Bec, Bec!"  He jumps out of my lap and chases after her.  Bec says, "Guess we're going to Target!"  I sit back down and pour Sam some skittles.  Cade laughs and is happy.  Sam asks me where the hyena is.  "I don't know, son" (is there a hyena in these movies?). Fifteen minutes passes.  Cannon starts rocking in his seat.  He gets up and down.  Over and over.  "Cannon, do you need to pee?"  "Yes."  I tell Sam and Cade to get up and we head to the women's bathroom.  Sam and Cannon pee.  Cannon doesn't come out of the stall.  I push the door open to see him straddling the back of the toilet, rubbing all over the back of the it, trying to flush.  It is an automatic flush.  We head out of the bathroom and they see the video games.  They beg to play.  My money is in Bec's purse at Target.  I say it's time to go back into the movie.  Sam and Cannon say they don't want to see that movie anymore and want to go home.  I pull Cade to the side and ask him if I can bring him back, just me and him, later.  He agrees.  The manager offers us five "rain checks" which eases the pain of leaving $47 worth of snacks behind.  We begin our walk to Target as my phone is in the car that Bec drove.  Down the sidewalk, through the parking lot, across a four lane road, into a field, through standing water and red clay and into the Target parking lot.  And we see Bec backing out of her parking space.  I yell.  We all yell and wave our arms.  She leaves.  We head into Target to use their phone.  She comes back for us.  Load the three big boys.  Get to Allyson's.  She's not home yet.  I don't have my key to her house.  Unload all five.  It's lightning a lot.  Make all five sit on the porch which they didn't like.  Sam needs to pee.  He runs down to the side walk.  Cade needs to pee.  He runs past Sam, who is still trying to get his pants down, and stops in the driveway.  I tell them to hurry because it is lightning bad now.  Cade gets scared, turns and runs back to the porch, while still peeing.  Runs past Sam, still peeing, and pees all over poor, unexpecting Sam.  Sam cries and tells him he doesn't love him anymore.  Get them back on the porch. Cannon screams.  While swinging on the porch swing, something goes wrong.  I turn to see the swing upside down, with Cannon hanging upside down as well.  His foot is stuck under the armrest.  He is screaming and I struggle for a good thirty seconds to get his foot loose.  I check him over.  He only wants his Mama.  Thankfully, she is turning in the driveway.  We all head inside.  Cade chases Sam around the house with metal tongs.  I tell my two we have to leave.  Step outside and see the world's largest frog.  Heart failure.  Scared boys.  Get them in the car.  Find a little peace from the crazy, ridiculously expensive night, by sitting at the edge of the pasture, both boys in my lap in the front seat of my car, as we watch an amazing lightning storm.  Baths and bed.  And I'm still ticked about the $47 and I am now so one of those moms who smuggles snacks into the theater in her purse.

Cross Dressers

Lately my boys have discovered a new game...tear through Mama's clothes drawers and see what we can wrap around their sweet little bodies.  I'm not sure why this is such an amusing activity, but they certainly think it's wonderful.  I don't encourage it, but I do find myself chuckling when Sam runs in with his entire lower body in one leg of my pajama pants or when Jack has placed my bathing suit bottom perfectly around his neck and is sporting it like a scarf.  If only they would show as much interest in dressing themselves with their own clothes.

I Know For Sure

There are many things in this world I don't know, but one thing I know for sure...my days wouldn't be complete without this little monkey. Oh, how I love him and his huge, life-loving, joyous grin.

The Heart

He is the heart of our family, the little being that made us parents and taught us all about love.  And while his brother is our constant laughter and our joy, he is our never ending sunshine.  His heart is pure, he is kind, gentle and amazingly sweet.  Each day he grows older and a little wiser and we watch him become a boy, no longer a baby.  My heart aches to see him becoming more independent, yet it overflows with pride as I admire all that he is.  My precious, perfect boy.  I love you Sam...to the moon and back.

Do They Know?

Sometimes I wonder if these two will ever really know how I feel about them.  Will they know that I count them as my greatest accomplishment and my biggest joy... that they complete my days and leave me overflowing with happiness...how I worry endlessly over their well being...that they fill me with such pride...that I dream of their future and what I can do to make sure they discover a life that they love...how I ridiculously analyze every cut, scrap and bruise...how it makes me sad when I think about them growing older and not needing me like they do today...that I have irrational fears that something will happen to them...that I want to preserve every memory, fearful that one day I'll forget the little things...how I stare at them while they sleep...that sometimes I am so overcome with love for them that it literally hurts...that my life would end without them?

Misunderstanding

Last night, the boys and I ran down to Robin and Meme's house for a minute.  Meme was spending the night at the hospital with Randy, so we only saw Robin.  Sam and Jack adore him and run around like crazy people when he's around.  They scream, wrestle and drag him around wherever they please.  Last night Sam was especially rowdy and was actually running though their kitchen screaming at the top of his lungs.  I continually asked him to stop and he continued to take showing off to a new level.  

Finally I said, "Robin, don't you want Sam to spend the night down here with you tonight?"

"Sure," he said.  "Sam, me and you and Ally can all crawl in my bed and sleep together."

"Huh?" Sam asked, looking confused.

"Me and you and Ally can get in bed, under the covers and watch tv together," he continued.

Again he responded, with great annunciation this time, "Huh?"

So I chimed in.  "Sam, you can spend the night here tonight with Robin.  And you and Robin and Ally can all snuggle in Robin's bed and watch tv and go to sleep."

"HUH?" he said, looking more confused than I've ever seen him.

"Oh, Sam," I said, as I gave up on making him understand this very simple scenario and started heading to the door.  Just as I opened the door and stepped onto the porch, the light bulb went off in my head. And I got it.  I understood his confusion and felt like the biggest dummy for not understanding his confusion.

You see, Ally, is Robin and Kay's dog.  And also Sam's special aunt.  So while Robin and I were speaking of Sam cuddling in bed with him and the dog, my poor son was envisioning Robin, his aunt Ally and himself all cuddled together in bed.  Thus all the long, clueless "Huhs?" and that very blank stare.  I immediately told Robin what Sam was thinking to which he responded, "Oh, gosh!" and I proceeded to explain that we were indeed referring to Ally the dog, not Ally the aunt.  

And boy am I grateful the light bulb went off in my head before we were in public somewhere and Sam asked to go crawl in bed and snuggle with Robin and Ally.  Wouldn't that have been lovely?

It's All Relative

"Sam, I love you."

"I love you too,  Mama."

"I love you all the way to the end of the ocean and back."

"Well, I love you all the way to the refrigerator and back."

The next day...

"I love you, Sam."

"I love you, too."

"Sam, I love you all the way to the moon and back."

"And I love you all the way to the backyard."

Yes, his love for me appears to be growing.  We've made it past the kitchen.

Nonconformist

Because facing the right direction is way too easy and so overrated...

21 Months

Who you are at 21 months...

A talker...you will repeat anything and your vocabulary is rather impressive.  You tell us clearly and often impatiently what you want and expect immediate service.  You crawl in my lap and say "KISS!" and proceed to lay one on me...which I find terribly adorable.  My favorite thing you say is when someone tells you they love you, you say, "ov ew too!"  I'll say, "love you more," to which you exclaim "ov ew moor." I say this to you all during the day and you never fail to tell me back with great enthusiasm.  

A runner...you love to run and will stand perfectly still and say, "Set, Go!" and take off in a full sprint.  The way you run is one of the many things I adore about you.  You keep one arm safely tucked by your side and pump the other arm like it's going out of style.  You move your little legs so fast, with short, quick steps and it almost appears that you are skipping, running and dancing all at the same time.  I am constantly telling you to "slow down, Jack" and yet, you still run.  Your upper body seems to be a few steps ahead of your legs which leads to many falls, skinned up knees and toes.
Mr. Trouble...you remain ridiculously mischievous and appear to have an attention span of less than ten seconds.  You don't sit still for long and you seem to have a real knack for opening anything and then using what you've opened to reek havoc.  "No" does not seem to register with you and you have a need for just a little bit of danger every day.  You are my little tornado, a sweet, busy bundle of all boy who leaves a destruction path a mile wide.
Our funny man...you continue to be a comedian and you take great pride in making us and others laugh.  You know just how to make a perfect silly face, do a little dance or make funny noises to make people laugh when ever you see fit. Your daddy and I still look at each other, scratching our heads and wondering where on earth that personality came from.  You are pure happiness and laughter and our ever present reminder of all things silly.  You are light hearted and free spirited and the world is your playground.  Still our endless source of joy, we are hopelessly in love with you.