A Letter to My Son

My Sweet Jack,

Today when I prepared to leave you at preschool, you clung tightly to my leg and firmly told me, "I go with you, Mama." I walked with you into your room and tried to distract you. We did a puzzle together and I tried then to leave. You again clung tightly to me and begged me to take you home. I walked with you to the fellowship hall and talked with you, telling you all the reasons you needed to stay. You still begged to leave. I walked you back to your room and Meme came over to walk you in. When you realized I was leaving, you fell to the floor crying. Meme scooped you up and carried you inside as I disappeared down the hall. I sat in the lobby, listening to you cry and I struggled over what I should do. I walked to my vehicle, buckled Will in and forced myself to drive away. I waited anxiously for word on how you were and was so relieved when Meme called just a few moments after I arrived home to tell me you were fine and playing happily. I was so relieved and thankful. I am sure that you will likely have no memory of this morning and that you are, indeed, just fine. Why am I telling you this? I want you to know that leaving you this morning was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. My heart broke as I walked away from you. I knew I could wrap my arms around you and take you home and bring an end to your tears. Leaving you was agonizing for me and I waited anxiously to pick you up, hug you and see that you were okay. I have worried all day about my decision to leave you and can only hope that if one day you read this, you'll understand how hard today was for me. I love you, Jack. More than you'll ever know.

Love,

Mama