Remorse

Sam has been out of sorts the past few days.  I don't know if it's the confusion with Daddy being home all week or the fact that we haven't done much this week but stay inside and hang out with Jody, but something is definitely off with him.  He is being rebellious and stubborn and is not listening to us at all. He has had numerous spankings and time outs and he still continues to act out.  He got in trouble all day for not listening to us and failing to do what we asked of him.  Jody and I are both scratching our head, wandering what has happened to our sweet, well-behaved boy.

Tonight he misbehaved over and over again.  He screamed and refused to come inside.  He hit me several times in the back when I told him to come to me.  He ran from me and laughed when I refused to chase him.  When he got close by, I gave him a firm pop on the fanny and sent him inside.  He whined and screamed over having to take a bath and the screamed when it was time to get out.  He refused to go to the den to get his pajamas on and when his Daddy made him come to me to get dressed, he snapped at me that he was not talking to me.  He then told me he didn't love me and folded his arms in defiance. Practicing a little reverse psychology, I told him that since he didn't love me and he wasn't going to talk to me, I was going to leave for a while.  I proceeded out the door as he shrieked and begged me to stay.  I walked out on the porch and sat in the glider, knowing he would be right behind me.  He ran out the door screaming for me and ran into my arms, sobbing.  

I told Sam how very much I love him and how I hate spanking him more than anything in the world.  I also told him that he must listen to me and his Daddy and we will not tolerate him being disrespectful, hitting or saying hurtful things.  I told him how much it hurts me for him to say those things and act so ugly.  He said okay but still showed very little remorse.  He headed to bed with Daddy while I did a little work on the computer.  Soon I heard him calling my name and when I came into the bedroom my little one said,"Mommy, I'm sorry I acted ugly.  And hit you.  And wouldn't let the water out of the bath tub.  And said I wouldn't talk to you.  And I don't want you to ever go away.  'Cause I love you."  "Oh, Sam.  Thank you, honey.  That makes me so happy.  I love you too."  "Okay, Mommy.  I need some milk, please."  I returned with milk and he said, "Thank you.  And Mommy, I really love you.  And Mommy, I really like you, too."  

Remorse.  In it's sweetest, purest form.   I love this boy to bits and it is truly heartbreaking when, in an overly tired, angry fit, he acts so ugly and says such hurtful things.  Especially when I would never dream of saying these things to him and spend all of my days loving him so completely.  And, yet, all that heartbreak quickly washes away when my old Sam returns, offering words of love and seeking forgiveness.  He wraps his arms around my neck and gives me one of his perfect hugs and suddenly, all is right again.  I pray we will always grant each other this same forgiveness so easily and so readily and that we never forget the power of those special hugs.