Too Soon

Today I mailed in Sam's preschool registration form.  After weeks of looking at it sitting by my computer and nicely sticking it back in the drawer dozens of times, I finally filled it out, paid the fee and mailed it in.  And I just keep thinking that this is happening too soon for me.  Preschool.  I am not ready to pack his lunch, make sure his backpack is full of all the necessities and send him off into the world of independence.  Preschool is exciting and I know he will learn so much and make new friends and this makes me happy.  But the idea of him being away from me, even for two short days a week, fills me with a lot of sadness.  Where has the time really gone?  My baby is turning three and heading off to preschool and I am sitting here wondering how the last three years slipped away in the blink of an eye.

"Three" is proving to be very hard for me.  I think I expected to struggle more with him turning five, but this upcoming birthday has me filled with an overwhelming sense of dread.  Will this be the year that he loses his sweet "baby voice?"  Will he stop running to greet me when I walk in the door this year?  Will he need me a little less?  Will I still be his number one? Will he still ask me to rock him to sleep?  All I can say is I sure hope so.  

He is my sweet, precious Sam.  The little one who picks me flowers..and lights up when he sees me...and loves snuggling beside me before he falls asleep...the boy who fills me with such pride and love.  And this year I will have to let go of him...just a little bit.  Luckily I have until September to come to terms with my grief.  Sam must have known I was a little down tonight.  He followed me down the hall and into my room and said, "Mommy, tomorrow is my birthday."  "No, Sam. Not tomorrow.  But almost.  And you're going to be three and I think I just might cry."  To which my little sweetie replied, "It's okay, Mommy.  Even when I get big, and I'm a Daddy, I'm going to build a house right beside you and I'll still be your baby."

That's right, Sam. You'll always be my baby. Always. 

Showing off his preschool registration...

and the flowers he picked his Mommy today.