Worry

Another surgery...can you feel the heaviness of my heart?  A minor surgery, but still a surgery.  Jack will have his adenoids removed at 8:00 this morning.  We found out Monday after a check up on his tubes (which are both clear and working well) that Dr. Holmes really wanted to remove the adenoids soon.  A snow day, and a late opening led us to a late notification that Thursday was the day. We didn't have many options considering Jack will have to stay overnight. We had to be at a hospital instead of an out patient facility due to the slight trouble Jack had with the anesthesia last time.  He will be monitored a little closer and a little longer, and for that, I am thankful.  

So why, am I up at 2:00 when I should be sleeping?  I know I will get little or no sleep in the hospital and will be exhausted.  So why am I up?  Because, I am a worrier.  I worry I'll oversleep.  I worry I'll forget to pack something important.  I worry if all the laundry isn't done.  Ridiculous, I know.  God was taking care of me by only allowing me a few hours of prep time before this surgery.  If it had been next week, or next month, I would have worried every minute until my Jack was back home, safe in his own home.  Yes, the unexpected can be a blessing.

I had a little help with my quest to survive this night with little or no sleep.  Jack.  Tired as he was, he refused to go to sleep.   His Daddy tried.  I tried.  And then I just let him be.  So he got busy helping me around the house...

He made a few phone calls for Mommy and did a little work on the Mac.

He thought tonight would be a great time to clean out the refrigerator...

Who knew cleaning could be so fun?

Finally after 11:00, he fell asleep sweetly in my arms.  I looked at him and felt sad to know what he faces tomorrow but more sad because he has no idea what awaits him.  Another scary, tough day for my sweet Jack.  I am anxious but hopeful that every minute brings us closer to recovery and a return to normalcy.  But still I worry.  I worry about Sam.  I can count on two hands the mornings he has woken up without me home.  I know he is in loving hands with G-Ma and Poppa and Nana and JP, but still I worry.  I felt the need to lay out his clothes and get his bowl, spoon and oatmeal in order for his breakfast.  Pathetic, I know.  But it's what I do to make me feel better.  I also wrote him a little note and left him a little surprise, a few new puzzles and a baby dinosaur.  Again, ridiculous, I get it.  But it's what I do...for them. They are my life, it's just that simple.  And whether I'm away from them and missing them every minute or caring for them after surgery praying they will be laughing again soon, my life just kind of stops until we are all back home together.  Then, and only then, will I be okay too.