Let It Snow!

Sam and Jack were so excited to look out the door this morning and see the ground covered in snow.  Sam saw snow once as a baby but doesn't remember it and this was a first for Jack.  We got all bundled up and headed outside for the boys to enjoy the fun.

Sam loved it.  He ran, kicked the snow and made snowballs.  The snow didn't stick too great but he loved making a little snowball and yelling, "You better run!" to his target.



Jack didn't have as much fun...he hated standing in the snow and cried until we picked him back up.  He didn't like the snow hitting him in the face either.  I tried to get him to enjoy himself, but he wasn't interested...maybe next time.

The snowflakes were landing on Sam's long eyelashes and sticking there.  It was amazing.  Just when you think his eyes can't be any prettier...

We plan to head out again tomorrow and try a little sledding before the snow disappears.  Sam is still super excited...Jack, well, not so much.

15 Months

My happy, joyful little Jack is now 15 months old.  Is it possible to become a little happier, funnier and cuter every day? It must be, because he sure does.  15 months of pure bliss...ear infections and all.  Jack is a pure dose of overflowing goodness that I gratefully receive each and every day.  He is a tangible reminder that laughter really does make life a little easier and that nothing is better than the feeling of two chubby arms wrapped tightly around your neck as he showers you with kisses.

Jack...running more than walking...calls the phone "bye bye"... loves his Daddy...points to Sam's head saying "dat, dat" and when I tell him "that's Sam," he leans over and kisses him, every single time...loves going to sleep in Mommy's bed with his arms wrapped tightly around my neck and me pulled right up to his face... gets a new bruise every day... loves being outside no matter how cold it is...not afraid of the fireplace which scares Mommy to death...messy eater is an understatement...plunders, making a constant trail behind him...says "ta da," which he learned from watching Sam "surprise" us, loves making others laugh... breaks into a dance at the most random times...does some kind of funky march, arm swinging, legs going, like he is leading a marching band... loves pulling the lever on the recliner to make the legs pop out, which led to him hitting his head on the end table and getting his first black eye...gives endless kisses and hugs...loves Landry...loves to aggravate Landry...piles all the bath toys into a corner and pretends to go to sleep on them...drinks a lot of milk...holds his sucker the wrong way more than the right way...throws everything...really loves his "Mommy"... sweet beyond words...would spend hours sitting on Daddy's gator trying to get it cranked...torments Mommy's computer...my endless source of laughter...loves Daddy's cows...snores like an adult man...waves at total strangers...proves daily that nothing is really "childproof"...brings more joy to our family than he will ever know...he is a bundle of wonder who finds happiness in the simplest thing...endless sunshine...a blessing beyond words.

Sunday Rough Housing

Would this be proof that maybe you are playing a little too rough?  It's a good thing my grandparents are in the furniture business, huh?!?

Happy Birthday Jody!

Jody once gave me my birthday card and gift a few days late on purpose so that he could sign the card "Late, but worth the wait."  Needless to say, I didn't think that was too funny.  Well, I repaid him with a birthday celebration a week and a half late this year.  Jody's birthday was the 8th, the same day Jack had surgery.  The wedding followed and another busy week, so finally Saturday night we celebrated.  G-Ma and Poppa, Nana and JP and all the Lees joined us for dinner and dessert to wish Jody a happy 28th!

Jody wanted a big cookie instead of a cake...Sam loved being able to decorate the cookie for Daddy.

A work of art...

Sam and Cannon go in for a squeeze and to offer a little help with the candles.

Man, this is gooood!

Landry digs in...

Spaghetti and cookie cake resulted in five little monkeys all in the tub!

Happy Birthday Jody...We love you and appreciate all you do for us.  We hope to share many more birthdays together...Angela, Sam and Jack.

Passion

I have a good friend, Debbie Johnson, whom I have known for well over 10 years.  She has two sons that I babysat, taught to swim and carted up and down the road many, many miles.  Debbie is a wonderful mother who stops at nothing to provide an amazing life for her boys.  I laugh at the woman she has become after the many years of being Evan and Drew's Mom.  She has a beautiful home that looks like it should be in a magazine.  She is quite the decorator and always kept her house perfectly tidy and clean.  She refused to have animals in the house, dirty shoes were to be removed at the door and forget about eating on her furniture.  Well things certainly change.  She added a fifth dog at Christmas this year (although only one is inside all the time), her boys leave a muddy trail throughout the house and you can find unfinished snacks and drinks scattered throughout the kitchen and sun room.  Fishing poles and hunting gear are littered down the hall.  Muddy boots and wet clothes are left where ever they were removed.  This is her life...and she loves it.

But the thing that has amazed me the most is her willingness to let her youngest son, Drew, bring home reptile after reptile to live in their home.  Snakes, frogs, lizards, iguanas...they have all resided at the Johnson home at some time or another.  Snakes have gotten out and never been found, lizards have been brought to the dinner table and frogs have been left to hop about wherever they chose.   And she doesn't bat an eyelash.  She told me once, "Angela, never say what you won't do when it comes to your children because you will sure get fat from eating all those words."

Allyson and I were talking about Debbie last week and admiring her laid back approach to the woes of raising boys. How wonderful that she lets them pursue their passion, snake or dog, hunting or fishing, more often dirty than clean, all while reaping havoc on her home and her sanity.  She pushes her fears and inhibitions aside and allows those boys to enjoy life.  This is an amazing thing when raising boys because you certainly will be giving up your clean house, stain free laundry and the security that no wild creatures are loose in your house.  And she does this.  For them.  And only for them.

I can only hope to be a mother that not only provides my children food, shelter, warmth, security, education and unconditional love but also that I strive to nurture their passion.  This will almost certainly be hard especially if their passion results in stained clothing, messy creations and additional work on me.  Yet I hope to look past the negative aspects that may cloud my vision as my vision must be that of a Mother that loves her son so much that she will support and encourage his passion each and every day.

My boys are still so young and their interests change from day to day.  Their passion hasn't really been a thought or concern to me yet.  But I think I see my Samuel developing a pure love for one thing...work. This little boy's heart is one that finds pure joy in work and service.  He has more toys than he needs and he could spend hours outside moving from activity to activity.  But he doesn't.  He plays for a short while and always stops to tell me he needs to work.  Always.  He looks for things that need to be cleaned up or hauled away.  He rushes over to his Mema's to see if her driveway is full of leaves that need to be raked and placed in his wheel barrow.  He runs to pick up stray limbs and sticks and place them on Papa's burn pile.  How lucky am I to have a son, at any age, that so enjoys helping others, especially his Mama?  If your passion is what makes you happy, what drives you, what excites you, then work is certainly his passion.

So where do I fit in?  Well, you see some days there are no sticks to pick up or leaves to rake.  And that little boy still wants and needs to work.  He usually drives his gator up to a tree and removes every stitch of pine straw his mother has carefully placed there.  And then he moves to another tree and starts again.  For a long time I encouraged him to go dig somewhere else or search for sticks in another area.  But I have realized, thanks to Debbie, that I have to let go and let him dig and rake until he is too tired to dig anymore.  And this will be hard for me.  My yard with the pine straw tucked perfectly around each tree and flowerbed may be a distant memory.  There will be messy piles of dirt and a trail of scattered straw in the grass and on the driveway.  It will surely add more time to my yard maintenance routine, but I hope to embrace these moments for what they are...my chance to let my son be a kid and just be happy.  And maybe it's a phase, but my heart tells me it's not.  This is who Samuel John Standley is and so his Mama will just have to change her idea of perfect for the happiness of one special little boy.  

Being allowed to explore you passion...

leads to happiness.

Maybe Next Time

Dear Cade-

My Mommy was so excited last night when she told me that you were the special student at preschool this week and you got to choose anyone you wanted to come eat lunch with you on Thursday.  I thought that was pretty cool and I was so excited when Mommy said you had chosen me to go with Corey and Cannon and have lunch in your room.  Man, that made me feel like the special one.  But then I got a little scared and worried about going to your school with all those big kids and lots of people I don't know.  I know I have been to your school before but my Mommy or Ally has always been there to hold my hand.  I went to sleep hoping I could be a brave boy and find the courage to eat lunch with you.

Well Cade, my Mommy asked me as soon as I woke up if I was ready to go see you today at preschool.  I have to admit, I got really scared and worried and told her I didn't want to go.  She talked to me for a really long time and kept telling me that I would be okay, Corey would take care of me and everyone at your school is so nice.  But lately I just like hanging out with people I know like you and Cannon and Ally and Mommy.  I get kind of scared if there are lots of people I don't know.  I know this is silly and that next year I will be going to preschool too, but today I just couldn't do it.  I am so, so sorry and I hope you won't be mad at me.  My Mommy kept asking me over and over why I didn't want to go and I gave her a lot of good reasons like...

-There are no cows there.

-The special white horse I need isn't there.

-There is a big man with a white, black and red face at your school.

-There are people there that are green, black and white in your room.

-There are too many big people there that I don't know.

-I wouldn't be hungry.

But the truth is Cade, I was just afraid.  I am sorry and I hope you will invite me again one day.  I love you very much and I think you are the best.

Your Cousin,

Sam

Are You Kidding Me?

Guess who had an allergic reaction to his antibiotic?

Yes, you guessed it.  My never-boring, sweet, one of a kind, on-going insurance claim...Jack Standley.  I will keep this post brief as I have become a little worried that people would stop reading my blog because of my never-ending medical drama and constant worry and complaining.  So the facts are this...Jack broke out in a terrible rash today and was clawing at himself it itched so bad.  We rushed to Cary to see Dr. Mann and discovered that he is allergic to the antibiotic his ENT doctor prescribed Monday.  So we are officially off the oral meds and just using the ear drops and hoping the tube will clear.  That's it...no added drama or moaning...just the facts.  So here's to another wish for healthy ears and rash-free skin...and a silent prayer that Blue Cross Blue Shield doesn't begin to investigate us and cancel our policy due to overuse.

I Resign

Folks, I am resigning as the official president of the "Tube Fan Club."  After only three days, I know.  Seriously, I know tubes are a wonderful thing and they have helped millions of children (and parents).  Our tubes are just being a little testy, because I obviously need a little more havoc in my life, right?  After a tough Sunday that included Jack being whiny and out of sorts and walking around banging his hand on his right ear, I knew something wasn't quite right.  He didn't sleep well again and I knew there had been no drainage out of the right ear, which was severely infected at the time of surgery.  I knew in my heart that the tube was either clogged or not working properly and that poor Jack had fluid built up in his ear again.  

I called the ENT first thing this morning only to be told the doctor was in surgery most of the day and couldn't see us until 4:00.  We made it through the day with a short nap and Jack banging on that ear constantly.  A test revealed that the tube was indeed completely clogged and was not allowing any drainage to pass.  Dr. Holmes gave us prescriptions for an oral antibiotic, stronger ear drops and pain medication.  Hopefully, the meds will break down the blockage in the tube and allow it to begin functioning properly.  We go back next Monday to recheck the ear and the tube function.  

So the joy I felt Friday was a little short lived.  I know these tubes will be a blessing eventually and I am trying to be patient as we struggle to get this little boy better.  Should I even mention that the doctor began contemplating the removal of his adenoids?  Not today...we'll deal with that obstacle later.  Today I am hopeful that his tube will be clear soon and my little one can finally feel relief from the pain and pressure he has been living with for a month now.  And maybe then I will return to my job at the tube fan club...

Waiting to feel better...but still so sweet.

Don't Be Fooled...

by this sweet angel sleeping peacefully in his bed.  It is an act.

I think Jack has developed a scheme to drive me crazy and test me constantly.  He has been very sick, so I have let him get away with being a little devilish lately.  He has taken his plundering and house destruction to a new level.  I am certainly not the disciplinarian around here...one look at tear-filled eyes or a quivering lip and I am a real softy.  Jody has to hold me accountable and he says I am not hard enough on either of the boys.

But lately I feel that all I do is chase Jack while trying to remove some object from his hand that he shouldn't be touching and shouting "No, No, No" until I am blue in the face.  Today he has been beyond mischievous and his Daddy has been on him all day.  I told Jody he still isn't quite up to par and his ears are the reason he is so whiny and down right bratty these days.  Jody doesn't find my excuses amusing and I admit that today he drove me a little mad.  He destroyed our house in a manner never done before.  I am amazed at what this little boy can do in a couple of hours.  He can create eight hours of work for his tired Mama.  As frustrated and overwhelmed as I have been today with this 26 pound wrecking ball, I still found it hard to be too tough on him.  After all, he is still sleep deprived and his ears are still quite sore.  

Well, Jack showed me that he knows exactly what he is doing, sick or not.  Just when you wonder if they truly understand what "No" means and if you are scolding them in vain, your precious little child shows you who's boss. Tonight in the tub Jack continuously stood up and turned the water on.  I told him "No" a hundred times and then added a pop on the leg to my verbal scolding.  And he continued.  And I continued..."No, No, No"...pop, pop, pop.  I shook my head wondering what I did to be so deserving of a house occupied by three ridiculously stubborn men.  Jack decided to add a little humor into my evening and show me a thing or two about discipline.

After numerous warnings and spankings, he continued to play with the spigot.  But now he decided to play the role of "Mommy" too.  He would turn the water on...pause...look at me...and spank his own leg while saying "No, No, No."  Over and over again.  I tried not to let him see me laugh.  That would be like throwing gas on the fire with this boy.  I had to remove him from the tub to get him to stop his mockery of me.  A funny mockery I must admit.  So after a long, long, long day, I still end my day with a smile and a laugh and a promise that even the toughest days around here sure are sweet.  

Hey Good Lookin'

Today my youngest sister got married.  Rebecca is now officially a wife, Lord help her.  The wedding was beautiful and I personally had fun dancing the night away at the reception.  Jack stayed for the entire reception and loved dancing in Mama's arms all night.  Sam, on the other hand, did not like seeing his Mommy dance and pitched a fit when I would not leave immediately and take him home.  Robin and Meme rescued him and took him to their house.  I asked him when I got home why he acted so ugly over me dancing.  "Because Mommy I needed you to leave and take me to our house," he said.  I had a long talk with him about how Mommy's deserve to have fun too and he can't tell Mommy what to do. He acted like he understood...but this is my stubborn, first born, "the sun rises because he wakes up," Sam, so I am sure he will reprimand me again in the near future for doing something he doesn't like.

I will say that the entire wedding day was a little (to say the least) stressful for Ally and me.  Five kids to have dressed, entertain and keep clean for several hours was a little tough.  We didn't feel like we had much time to primp ourselves, but they sure looked good.  Cade was the ring bearer and he did an excellent job.  He talked a little but he was a champ.  Sam and Cannon escorted Nana in and sat on the front row with G-Ma and Nonna.  G-Ma brought activities to keep them quiet and Sam stayed pretty quiet and still.  Cannon fell asleep and looked like a little angel sleeping so sweetly in Nonna's lap.  Sam sported a little blood on his beautiful white outfit.  Ten minutes before we were to line up, Mama came to tell me that Sam had fallen in the nursery and busted his lip.  He was being very brave and trying really hard not to cry when I got to him.  He had blood on the front of his outfit and down the side.  His teeth were fine and I reassured him that he was okay and he was going to do a great job.  I worried that this would cause him to chicken out but he was a trooper and made me very proud.  Jack and Landry stayed in the nursery and joined us after the ceremony.  I didn't get a chance to snap very many pictures and sadly got none of Landry.  But I did get a few of the best looking boys in town...

The World's Most Handsome Ring Bearer

Mommy's Precious Dance Partner

Beautiful Boys...

Another thing about Sam, before anyone was dressed, the boys went to eat lunch in the fellowship hall.  I was having my hair and makeup done and walked in later to check on them.  My sweet Sam (yes, the stubborn dance policeman) looked up at me and said "Oh, Mommy.  You look beautiful."  My heart melted.  I said "Oh, Sam you are so sweet" and gave him plenty of kisses.   I insisted on knowing who had told him to say that because he has never said "beautiful" that I remember.  Everyone swore they had not told him to say anything.  Needless to say I fell a little more in love with that precious boy at that moment...even if he would soon test my last bit of patience at the reception.  Sometimes I wonder if he is buttering me up for a little torture later...who knows, but I'll gladly take it.

He's Back...

I woke up to this happy, wild, laughing, free-spirited little boy.  Man, I had missed this...

I am now the official president of the ear tube fan club...we are loving our tubes around here!

Happy to Be Home

We left this morning for Wake Med at 5 am for Jack's surgery.  Jack had been up since 3 am, desperately wanting something to drink so there was no chance of getting him back to bed.  He was very anxious and nervous in the pre-op and cried throughout the process.  He was beyond exhausted and very unsure as to what was going on.  Nana was able to distract him with toys and he acted like himself at times...happy and sweet.  He didn't like his identification tag and cried every time he looked down and saw it was attached to his leg.  The nurses brought us a dose of Tylenol and a sedative to relax him and make him forgetful. 

This brought the only highlight of my morning.  Jack on "happy medicine" is quite entertaining.  We knew immediately when the meds kicked in.  He began grinning, laughing, making funny faces...Mama and I were in tears laughing at him. The despised ankle tag became a source of entertainment for him and us.  He waved his leg around, trying to catch the tag, laughing hysterically.  He even tried his hardest to put on another tag that the nurse left on his bed.  He made faces, bounced around and was enjoying his "happy medicine" a little too much if you ask me.  

The meds didn't help him when he realized that the nurses were there to wheel him away.  A look of panic and fear flooded his sweet little face and my heart broke into a million pieces.  I gave him a kiss and told him it would be okay and they took him away.  He was crying so hard and I couldn't control my own tears.  Neither could his Nana.  He kept trying to turn around to see me and watching him disappear down the hall, crying and scared was heart wrenching.

The procedure was over quickly and the doctor said he removed a "robust" amount of fluid and "stuff" from both ears. His right ear was still very infected so it will probably drain substantially over the next few days.  We were told that he would be crying and out of sorts when we saw him but that most children calm very easily after seeing a parent.  Some children have a harder time and can act out and be tougher to console.

Well, Jack was the small percentage that has a hard time after surgery.  He was out of control.  Screaming, lunging, throwing his cup, the blankets and the popsicle he was supposed to eat.  He would stop, look at me, feel my hair and know it was me and relax for five or ten seconds.  Then he would begin screaming and fighting all over again.  I could barely hold him and the nurse continued to tell me this was normal and he would be fine once we got him to the car. After 45 minutes of this nightmare, I was exhausted and dying to leave.  My mom described it best when she said he needed a straight jacket.  We got him outside and it took Mama and me holding him down to buckle him in the car seat. He was kicking and beating the window. I took him from his seat and he finally laid his head down and rested.  He realized the ordeal was over and he was safe with Mommy.  

He slept several times today and by this afternoon, our old Jack was back.  He was laughing, dancing and eating like a horse all afternoon.  I am so relieved that this is over and he can finally have some relief.  This experience, minor as it was, really showed me how blessed I am to have healthy children.  There are parents who experience this every day and must watch their children be poked and prodded in hopes of making them better.  What a blessing to have healthy children.  Today reminded me that this is all that matters...

Playing in the lobby before surgery...

What a handsome patient...

Loving the "happy medicine"...

Right before leaving Mommy...this broke Mommy's heart...

Relief!

15 months old today and instead of posting cute pictures and telling all about Jack's personality and developments I am preparing things for an unexpected surgery tomorrow.  After receiving three shots for his ear infections and showing no improvements, we were sent directly to an ENT today.  One look at his ears and he was scheduled for an "emergency" surgery tomorrow to receive tubes.  He is showing signs of hearing loss, especially in his left ear, and tests showed that his ear drum is not performing as it should.  They stuck a small instrument in his ear to test his ear drum.  You look for a "peak" or "mountain" on the screen to show normal, healthy ear drums.  Jack's showed a flat line.  There is so much thick fluid in his ears that his drums cannot vibrate as they should.  He can definitely hear, but things probably sound pretty muffled and the pressure is very painful.  The doctors are confident that once the fluid is drained, his hearing will prove to be normal.  So we are off at 5 am for a 7:45 surgery.  I am a nervous, anxious mom but so very grateful that he will finally have some relief.  He is sleep deprived but still happy and sweet.  Nights continue to be a battle and after three sleepless nights, I am thankful to see a a light at the end of the tunnel.  I could really stress out if I allowed myself to think about all I have to do and haven't done due to three days at the doctor's office and no sleep.  My youngest sister is getting married Saturday and I still have no shoes, haven't picked up my dress from being altered, seriously need a pedicure and a spray tan and have nothing to wear to the rehearsal dinner (where I am expected to give a toast as well).  Oh yeah, and tomorrow is Jody's birthday and let's just say I am not prepared.  So I am trying to remain calm and am keeping my focus on my little man.  I pray he feels instant relief and can rest well and forget about earaches forever. So I will postpone his 15 month post until a little later when I can gush about how perfect he is.  I love, love, love this little boy...

This is how my little one has looked all week...

 But when I say smile, he still gives me his best, sick or not.  That's my Jack.

Missing My Buddy

Dear Sam,

It's been a tough few days around here, hasn't it buddy?  Jack is whiny and cries a lot and he is taking up all of Mommy's time.  I'm sure you're feeling a little left out and are really pretty tired of your demanding little brother.  We haven't been able to play with your tractors and animals and I sure miss cuddling with you at night and listening to you talk.  I've had to leave you twice to take Jack to the doctor and will have to leave you again tomorrow.  You crawled into my lap twice today and told me you were sick too.  You just needed a little attention too, huh?  Thank you for being such a sweet, patient little boy.  I promise you that as soon as Jack is better, you and I are going to go somewhere all by ourselves and have lots of fun.  It won't be much longer, little buddy.  I promise.  I love you and miss you.

Love,

    Mommy

My Poor Baby

My sweet Jack needs some serious relief (and so do I for that matter).  After a tough couple of days of teething, Jack began running a high fever again last night.  I couldn't get him down until 11:00 and he only slept for one hour.  My sweet, joyful baby woke up in a state I have never seen and hope to never see again.  He was flailing his arms and legs, trying to jump from my arms, screaming at the top of his lungs and banging his head into my shoulder.  He insisted that I put him down and I had to sit there and watch my poor child fall on the floor over and over, bang into the couch and chair, roll around on the kitchen floor and spin in circles.  He was so loud, Jody came in the den to see what in the world was happening.  He sat there in shock watching this crazed little human stammer all over the den.  Jack would not take a bottle and refused to be held.  So we sat there, two helpless parents, wondering what was happening to our boy. Finally after what seemed like days, he was so exhausted that he climbed into my lap and fell asleep.  

He refused to be laid down in his bed so into our bed he went.  All four of us in a king size bed that felt more like a single.  I was hanging off the edge unable to move or roll over.  But he was asleep and I was exhausted so I was fine with my six inches of mattress space.  And then it began.  My sweet, precious little baby began to snore.  Like a buzz saw.  Loud.  And every time I tried to adjust him in hopes the snoring would stop, he would roll right back over with his sweet little face two inches from mine.  It was relentless.  How can something so little snore so loud?  I was reminded of his newborn days.  He was such a loud sleeper then that he didn't last one night in the cradle in our room.   The co-sleeper I had bought in anticipation of his arrival quickly found its way back into the box.  He sounded just like a raccoon, constantly making loud noises and snoring.  Jack and I spent the first few months of his life in the den...he slept in the cradle, I slept on the couch.  So some things don't change I guess.  Poor Sam...we plan on them sharing a room!

So back to the doctor we went this afternoon.  He has a severe double ear infection, either the second in two weeks or he never responded to the antibiotics he was on.  We elected to do a series of three shots, which the doctor felt was the best treatment for such a severe infection.  We'll head back tomorrow morning for our second shot and 15 month checkup.  I am praying this little boy can soon feel relief and be out of pain.  If not, I'll be taking out a loan to pay for all the Motrin, ear drops and orajel.  I think I am now officially a part owner in each of these companies.

Gnawing on the soft end of his brush to massage his aching gums...