On the eve of your fourth birthday, I have so much I want to tell you. Yet, I find myself struggling to find words and compose sentences for an occasion such as this. This, the last night that I'll kiss your sweet face, rub your soft hair, and breath in all the wonder of my three year old you. For morning will come and I will wake you with singing and celebatory hugs and kisses. And, as it should be, it will be your day. We will celebrate as we let you lead us wherever you choose, filling our day with your wishes and what ever your four year old heart desires. And it will be wonderful and special and perfect, whatever it may be. And you, sweet boy, you will be loved. You will be celebrated. You will be treasured. As you always are. With just a little extra. Because tomorrow is your day, Jack. All yours.
And as I dream about where tomorrow will lead us, tonight I am grounded in thankfulness. An overwhelming, what on earth did I do to deserve to call you mine, wealth of gratitude. Because you have changed my life in a way that only you could. And all I know is that it's wonderful. This life with you. Even when it's messy, it's beautiful. Even when it's hard, it remains amazing. Even when we fail, we still love. Always. It's always beautiful. It's always amazing. There's always love. So tonight, when I could say so many things, I'll choose to say thank you. To you. For teaching me these things in ways that only you could.
Little lessons on what this life we're living is all about. Like...
whispered secrets, night time back rubs, sloppy peanut butter sandwiches, belly laughs, muddy boots, generous I love yous, ink-cover arms, sticky hands, "Hold me, Mama", glue covered kitchen tables, flooded bathroom floors, spontaneous dancing, the way you still fit perfectly in my arms, dirt covered faces, "You're my girlfriend", neediness, scattered toys, priceless gifts like the tiniest rock, the perfect pine cone, a torn sticker, "Are you going too, Mama? I just want to go where you are.", free forgiveness, piles of laundry, tiny hand prints, "I need your hair", unyielding stubbornness that melts away with a tickle, hidden treasures, helping hands, mischief, angry tempers, kind hearts, shyness, holding hands, unexpected kisses, tested patience, colorful masterpieces, mid-afternoon cuddling, fleeting frustration, beaming smiles, protested goodbyes, early morning footsteps, lost milk cups, simple pleasures, happy reunions, tough defiance, innocent prayers, spunkiness, joy filled hearts, tired days, sheepish grins, sleepless nights, unconditional, unwavering, perfect love.
Thank you for these things. Thank you for everything. The good and the bad. The tough and the easy. The expected and the unexpected. You are my constant reminder to appreciate the little things. The ordinary day. The wonderfully, perfect ordinary day. You have always been my joy, brightening my days with your spirit, filling my heart with a love that's all yours. A love grounded in the bond you and I share. A love made just for you, sweet boy. Thank you for changing my life and for showing me what truly matters each and every day. Happy Birthday! I love you so very much. More than you'll ever know.
Love,
Mama
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