A Note to My Husband

Jody,

When I initially planned to write you a little note, it was to go as follows...

Let me start by saying how much I appreciate all the things you do to help me. Like carrying the boys with you to do cattle work on the weekends so I can clean or do yard work or simply enjoy a moment of silence. Or handling bedtime every single night for our oldest two.  Or for giving baths several nights out of the week.  Your willingness to help me whenever I need it means so much to me.

With that being said, I have a small request about baths, please.  I try not to critique you or to insist that you do things the same way I do.  I understand that you believe that Sam, at the mature age of five, is more than old enough to clean himself.  And I don't mind that you always leave the washcloths in the tub for me to retrieve and add to the dirty clothes.  I don't even care that you refuse to gather up all the toys and put them neatly back into the whale bath toy caddy hanging on the wall.  You know the one...the big, blue whale that's only purpose is to hold bath toys.  And I love it that you allow the boys to bring toy animals and cowboys into the tub so that they can reenact scenes from Davy Crockett.  It doesn't bother me at all to have to then gather all the non-bath toys and return them to the playroom.  That being said, I do have one request.  Feel free to leave cows, horses, elephants and tigers scattered along the bottom of the tub.  But please, please, please don't ever leave anything like this behind.

Because when I pull the shower curtain back to gather the washcloths and toys, I may have a slight heart attack.  And my knees may buckle with such force that I nearly tumble into the tub head first.  I know you didn't intentionally leave the large toy rattlesnake in the tub hoping to scare the &#% out of me. You love me too much to do such a thing. Please  never, ever leave that snake behind again.  My knees and I would really appreciate it.

Love, 

Angela

That's what I was going to say.

Until I realized that leaving the snake behind for me to discover was no accident.  That became crystal clear to me the next day when I opened the refrigerator and was greeted by the snake.  And when you brought me a Bojangles biscuit this morning and stuffed the snake into the bag before you gave it to me. But the straw that broke the camels back was when I pulled the covers back tonight to go to bed and was again greeted by the very real looking rattle snake.

So unless you want a wife that wears knee braces and requires a pacemaker, you'll stop hiding that snake all over the house.

Got it?

Lay off the snake.

Or else payback is mine.