Future Aspirations

My boys are obsessed with body parts.  Boy body parts.  And while they occasionally talk about their own parts (and sometimes insist on showing them off), they really love analyzing and discussing animal parts.  Especially Sam.  Jack likes pointing out the male parts of the animals too, although he isn't quite as knowledgeable as Sam.  I'm still trying to make Jack realize that the parts hanging down on his toy milk cows are udders, not balls.  Sam is very concerned with the toy makers of the world and why they can't seem to get the animal parts right.  For those of you who don't have a huge assortment of plastic animals around your house, I'll explain.  Some of our animals are anatomically correct. In other words, if it is a male animal it has all the necessary male parts. However, many of our animals are not anatomically correct.  And it presents a huge problem around here.  It worries the life out of Sam.  It consumes him.  He spends hours working with his animals, creating elaborate displays of Africa, Alaska and Yellowstone Park.  And he spends much of that time stressing over his animals that "aren't made right."  I knew raising boys would include dealing with a lot talk about body parts and bodily functions.  I didn't, however, imagine so much of my time would be spent analyzing and discussing the body parts of small, plastic animals.  I have heard this hundreds of times...

"Mama, you see this lion?"

"Yes, Sam."

"Well, you see he has all this hair around his head?"

"Yes, Sam."

"Well, that's his mane and that means he's a boy.  But look, Mama, look (as he turns the lion upside down and shoves it in front of my eyes).  He don't have no nuts.  The man who made this lion messed up, Mama."

"Uh, huh.  I see that Sam.  That man really did mess up, honey."

"Mama, you see these gorillas?"

"Yes."

"Well, this one is smaller than that one and that means she's a girl gorilla.  And this one is the biggest and that means he's a boy gorilla."

"Yes, son."

"But Mama, look.  This taller one, you know the one that is the boy, he don't have any balls."

"I'm sorry about that, son."

"Why doesn't those men who made these gorillas do it the right way?"

"I don't know, honey."

"Hey, Mama.  Just look at this."

"You see these elephants.  Look at how big this elephant is.  He's a whole lot taller than this elephant.  Look at how long his tusks are.  He's a boy elephant, Mama."

"Really?"

"Yes, but those men messed up again.  They forgot to give him balls."

"Oh, man, Sam.  That's too bad."

After hundreds of these conversations, I told Sam that maybe when he grows up he could make toys and he could be sure all the boy animals have the right parts.  The idea of that thrilled him.  Forget being a vet or a zoologist or a cowboy, Sam Standley is going to be a toy maker.  Now our conversations sound like this...

"Mama, look at this bull.  You see how big he is and how long his horns are?"

"Yes."

"Well, look Mama, look.  He don't have no nuts and he is a boy."

"Hmmm, what are we going to do about that Sam?"

"Well, when I grow up and make toys, I'm going to be sure to put the balls on all the bulls I make."

"Excellent, son.  You are going to be the best toy maker ever."

"I know, Mama.  "'Cause I know who needs nuts and who doesn't and I won't forget to put them on."

"Exactly, Sam, exactly."

So there you have it.  My boy's aspirations for his future.  He wants to be a ground breaking, innovative toy maker.  One who puts all the correct parts on all the male animals.  I am so proud.