That Day

My Dearest Sam,

Today you are three and a half. My baby is three and a half. You are growing at a pace that terrifies me and I am so afraid that each new day will be that day. That day when you wake up and don't call for me as you wait patiently for me scoop you up in my arms and cover you with good morning kisses. That day that you don't need my help putting on your socks. That day that you no longer need me to pour you a milk cup. That day when you don't need me to peel your orange. That day that you don't need me by your side as you drift off to sleep. That day, my Sam, will be here soon enough. Sooner than I want.

But honestly, son, I never wish to see that day. If I could hold you and protect you as my sweet, innocent, perfect little boy for all my days, I would. In the blink of an eye. I would spend the rest of my days scooping you up in the morning, taking care of your every need every hour of every day and end the day gazing at you as you fall of into a land of dreams. In the blink of an eye.

It makes my heart break a little to know that this isn't how life works. You will grow, with each passing day, you will grower bigger and stronger. You will continue to find your independence and that day will certainly come when you need me a little less. I can only imagine how I will feel that day. Just thinking of it leaves me feeling heartbroken. And while I know I will experience great joy watching you become all God intends you to be, I will surely miss you as you are today, my little boy.

You are kind and sweet, compassionate and caring, inquisitive and smart. You are stubborn and tough and I see you becoming a little more defiant these days. And though there are times you are disobedient and careless, those times are soon forgotten and overshadowed by all the wonderful things that make you, you. You are so much more than I ever imagined you would be and I love you so much more than I ever dreamed possible. And just when I think I can't possibly love you any more than I already do, I do. I love you more and more and more. So I'll promise to love you more and more with each passing moment if you'll promise me you'll always remember that no matter how tall you grow and or how many more half birthdays you see come and go, always remember I am here. I am here and I will be here forever. I'm forever here to love you. Forever.

Thank you for being my sunshine, my only sunshine. I love you. To the moon and back.

Mommy